Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold. But first an investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch. And I’m ... pretty nervous about it. And I’m ... making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star ... or any number of drag queens. The Office US s6e14: The Banker, Michael
This company does not waste time or resources ever. ibid. Michael to Toby & Kurt
This is a building where friends become lovers, and lovers become sexually interactive. ibid.
So you’ve just been bought by Sabre. You’ve probably got a lot of questions. Hi, I’m Christian Slater. What’s it like to work for Sabre? Let’s find out together. Working at Sabre means taking on the challenge of the road that rises to meet you. Sabre is respecting the past, but opening a window to the future. Have you ever tasted a rainbow? At Sabre you will. The Office US s6e15: Sabre, Christian Slater
I am a little concerned about all of these changes. ibid. Michael to new boss
You know how some people say they’re not in it for the money? Well, with all due respect to this job, I think I’m definitely in it for the money. And, quite honestly, the women. The Office US: The Manager and the Salesman s6e16, Jim
I want to have a child for business reasons. The Office US s6e17&18: The Delivery, Dwight
I’m sort of a master of distraction. ibid. Michael
I am never getting married. Like Clooney. ibid. Meredith
It is St Patrick’s Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas. The Office US s6e19: St Patrick’s Day, Michael
The way this place used to work is make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order. The Office US e6e20: New Leads
I have emailed you four times asking you to come to my desk. ibid. Angela
He doesn’t act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that we’d never get anything done. The Office US s6e21: Happy Hour, Pam’s friend
In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, Yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best! ibid. Hide
Happy Secretary’s Day. The Office US s6e22: Secretary’s Day
Her milk is coming in; she getting uncomfortable. ibid. Dwight, re Pam
It’s not about who you’ve been with, it’s about who you end up with. ibid. Pam
Dwight: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot because of your race.
Kelly: Well they say it’s because of texting, but maybe you’re right. The Office US s6e23: Body Language
Dwight: Stop it!
Jim: Stop what?
Dwight: You’re talking about me in Morse code. Well, you know what? Joke’s on you ’cause I know Morse code. Ha!
Jim: Yeah, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
[cut to Jim and Pam in interview] Jim: Yup. That’s exactly what we did. The Office US s6e24: The Cover-Up
If I had a gun and two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. The Office US s6e25: The Chump, Michael
Since when is this an office where we delve into personal lives? ibid.
Ten minutes of silence honouring Michael Jackson. ibid.
It was either being with myself or being happy. ibid.
I saw all your hard drives and guess what? [gestures to Ryan] You’re not a photographer. [gestures to Kelly] And you definitely can’t fit into a size two. Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. Why you been telling people you’re not on Facebook? People want to be your friend, man! Alright? And you. [points to Andy] This guy, you’re the one who told the press. You wrote an email to the editor. I saw it, and I also saw a QuickTime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he’s the snitch. So that’s it. Check it out. [gives finger and leaves] The Office US s6e26: Whistleblower, Nick
Gabe is awesome. He’s accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he is my boss. The Office US s7e1: Nepotism, Erin
There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment. ibid. Michael
I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues and he’s stupid. The Office US s7e2: Counselling, Phyllis
Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don’t ever get to see your pictures. ibid. Erin
There are a lot of one-person departments here. ibid. Pam
Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It’s so powerful, even a lot of men can’t resist a man singing show tunes. The Office US s7e3: Andy's Play, Andy
All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders. ibid. Dwight
Hi, Donna. It’s Michael. I have a disease for which there is no known cure. The Office US s7e4: Sex Ed, Michael
It didn’t come up organically. ibid.
Today is about herpes. ibid. Dwight to Michael in car
He’s not just here for the coffee, Jim. Wake up. The Office US s7e5: The Sting, Dwight to Jim
Including costume contest, bobbing for apples and ouija board. The Office US s7e6: Costume Contest, Michael
The whole going-over-my-head-gate is making people act weird. The chain of command is crumbling. ibid. Michael to Darryl
The paper industry’s not going to last for ever. The Office US s7e7: Christening, Michael
He cooks in the oven and all that jazz; I have a different lifestyle. The Office US s7e8: Viewing Party, Michael
I have a legal obligation to Angela; she has to be serviced. ibid. Dwight
Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space. The Office US s7e9: WUPHF.com, Stanley
Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics. I’ve surrounded the enemy and I’m slowly starving them. To save on electricity, I’ve installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It’s part of my green initiative. And by green, I mean money. The Office US s7e10: China, Dwight
That’s what every boss wants: a wonderful Christmas with no drama. The Office US s7e11&12: Classy Christmas, Michael
I have a wig for every single person in the office. ibid. Dwight
All this arguing reminds me of a very funny story. ibid. Michael
You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There’s tons of cuties and it’s easy to talk to them. ‘Hey, what book is that? Cool, let’s hang out tonight. Sex already? Whoa.’ [cuts to Darryl in interview] My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl. The Office US s7e13: The Ultimatum
Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland. So I have one question: Why are you here? The Office US s7e14: The Seminar, Creed
Holly is ruining Michael’s life. He thinks she is so special and she’s so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7 and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she’s a perfect 40. It’s nuts. The Office US s7e15: The Search, Erin
You drive. I got a car full of fox meat. ibid. Dwight