Well we’ve been eagerly awaiting this match. Even though it’s likely to be a test for the commentators. It’s Samuel Wallace against Pipi Popstopolous. I have to say that this match hasn’t quite caught fire yet. Big Train s1e5
Let’s face it. You can’t cut it in the real world. Join the Army. ibid.
Well here we are. We’re all set. It’s a capacity crowd. And we’re ready for the World Championship Stareout final. Joining me in the commentary box is David Johnson. Hello, David. Big Train s1e6
He really does eat, drink and breathe staring. ibid.
Well, John, he’ll be digging very deep at the moment. ibid.
This worrying problem of drugs in the game. ibid.
Don’t fire me please. I ’m committed to cakes. Big Train s2e1, BBC 2002
Are you a duck? Well fuck off then. ibid. bird sanctuary
Ken Morse is still Britain’s leading Rostrum cameraman. Big Train s2e2
You will take a dive in the seventh and that’s an end to it. ibid. Mother to Jenny
The Beefeaters. Have you got what it takes? Big Train s2e3, mock Army recruiting advertisement
[Boyfriend answers front door bell]: Hiya, great to see ya. Come in, come in. Mikaela’s dying to meet you. Matt and Rachael, here she is Mikaela. This is Matt and Rachel. This is Mikaela.
[Mermaid in front-room paddling pool, in broad northern accent]: Hi-ha. You all right? Big Train s2e4
Morphine: Available from Pharmacists Throughout Great Britain and the Empire. Big Train s2e5, silent-film cinema advertisement
News interviewer amid World War II London rubble: Mrs Jenkins, bombs have fallen here for the last three nights. How to you think we should respond to Herr Hitler?
Mrs Jenkins: Well we can’t take much more of this. I think we should surrender and the sooner the better. Big Train s2e6
… Well, there you have it. Despite the persistent bombing British resolve is as great as ever. And Her Majesty is clear: London can take it. ibid.
I don’t want to go out with anyone who’s wearing stale pants. In the Loop 2009 starring Peter Capaldi & Tom Hollander & Gina McKee & James Gandolfini & Chris Addison & Anna CHlumsky & Paul Higgins & Mimi Kennedy & Alex Macqueen & Olivia Poulet & David Rasche et al, director Armando Iannucci
We request the presence of both carbonated and non-carbonated water. ibid. US delegate
The voices in his head are now singing barbershop together. ibid. woman
I’m standing my ground on the verge. ibid. minister
They’re talking about invasion reasonably seriously. ibid. Miller from the Pentagon
We are going to stay here and you are going to practise saying nothing. ibid. Tucker to minister
Animal rights. It’s an extremely controversial subject and it’s not just the odd dinner party punch-up over squealing meat. Brass Eye s1e1, Channel 4 1997
The late night streets of Britain are now so full of drugs not even the dealers know them all. Brass Eye s1e2: Drugs
A family held together by the father’s crack dealing which he uses to keep them in talking books and dildos. ibid.
Kids see what come out when a cokehead blows his nose. ibid.
Tonight we’re looking at the hazards of irresponsible weapons research. Brass Eye s1e3: Science
Tonight on Brass Eye: Has science gone too far? ibid.
Tonight: Science in the dark. ibid.
A campaign against the global evil of heavy electricity. ibid.
Bono offers sex to ‘anyone from the former Yugoslavia. Brass Eye s1e4: Sex, The Times headline, Channel 4 1997
Sex is a sumptuous gland-babe in a hall of donkeys or a sordid little incubus that looks like your granny. ibid.
UK used to mean United Kingdom but ask anyone today and they’ll tell you it stands for Uneblievable Crime. Brass Eye s1e5: Crime
Crimes we know nothing about are going up as well.
The stench of poverty hangs in the air like an old man’s nappy. ibid.
Are we in a state of irreversible decline? What’s the reason? What can be done about it? And if there is a solution, who on Earth is going to put it into action? Brass Eye s1e6: Decline
Coming up, can our decline by blamed on God? ibid.
As we approach the third millennium, have we really come to this? ibid.
These are our children. They skip down our streets. But the paedophile is waiting. Brass Eye Special: Paedogeddon, 2001
KIDS! I CAN HELP WITH YOUR HOME WORK TEL 07700 900007. ibid. phone-box card