It’s [van] a paper company now. It’s not a church. The Office US s5e25: Broke, Michael
You couldn’t ask for a better way to run a company. ibid. Charles
I wouldn’t say I have a passion for HR. The Office US s5e26: Casual Friday, Toby
Sometimes it’s best just to stay out of it. ibid. Creed
No matter how I look at this I am in the wrong. ibid. Michael
Anyone want to go to lunch with me later on? The Office US s5e27: Cafe Disco, Michael
At Dunder Mifflin there is a very strict no-lunch-with-the-boss policy. ibid.
Funk is the problem and the solution. ibid. Michael
I think Bob’s going to cheat on me with his new secretary. ibid. Phyllis to Dwight
I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. The Office US s5e28: Company Picnic
Presenting Slum Dunder Mifflionaire. ibid. Michael & Holly’s picnic sketch
I think that we are one of those couples with a long story. ibid. Michael
Michael: How long have you known about the pregnancy? A week? A month? A year?
Jim: Michael, we only told our parents last week.
Michael: Did you pee on a stick?
Jim: I did. It was inconclusive.
Michael: You should’ve told me.
Pam: You’re right. We should have realized that you are an equal part in this. The Office US s6e1: Gossip
If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward? ibid. Creed
Michael: I’m going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything ok?
Michael: Yeah. It’s routine. I’m just a little bit scared.
Oscar: I’m sure everything will be fine. What’s the procedure if you don’t mind my asking?
Michael: It is a colonoscopy.
Oscar: OK.
Michael: In your experience, what should I be expecting, in terms of sensation? Or, emotions? [pause] Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr Shandri? My main concern is should I have a safe word?
Oscar: Yeah [leaves]. The Office US s6e2: The Meeting
Please don’t talk about my breast milk. ibid. Pam to Michael
David Wallace: A cheese platter?
Andy: Oui, oui, monsieur. From the Wisconsin region: a nice, firm cheddar. Also from the great state of Wisconsin, an aged Parmesan. Here you will find here a cheddar-style spread, which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind, which I believe you will find both challenging and delicious. At that point, I would recommend you take a quick trip south of the border to the great state of Illinois where you will find this fine blue cheese dressing. If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the Goldfish take a little swim in the blue cheese. Bon appétit. ibid.
Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold, force him down to the ground and keep pressing, and pressing, flip him over and put him in a hammer lock ... The Office US s6e3: The Promotion, Dwight
You use your brain too much. Sometimes the smartest people don’t think at all. ibid. Michael to Jim
Just pretend we’re not here. ibid.
Manager: Mr Malone, your shoes are gone.
Kevin: They were stolen?
Manager: No, destroyed. When the bag was opened by our shoe shine, the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually.
Kevin: But that was my only pair of shoes.
Manager: It became a safety issue, sir. The Office US s6e4&5: Niagara
They had an accident. And you know what, these two people they’re living together. They are having lots of consensual sex ... You can’t expect them to be careful every time, because frankly it’s a different sensation. ibid. Michael to reception guests
Michael: She was from Europe.
Dwight: OK. I bet she had hairy armpits. ibid.
I got them a set of turtle-boiling pots, a shell hammer and bibs. ibid.
The Fundamentals of Business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible. I’m not surprised. Chapter One ... The Businessman ... The Office US s6e6: Mafia, Michael’s book
God forbid you should have a fire in the warehouse. ibid. southern Italian salesman
Toby has mentally checked out since June. ibid. Oscar to camera
I wouldn’t last in jail, Oscar. I’m not like you ... You would love jail. ibid. Kevin
If there is one thing I hate more than the Mafia it is a liar. I wish the Mafia would go out and kill all the liars and bury them all in my yard. ibid. Michael to camera
What is so wrong about me? The Office US s6e7: The Lover, Michael
I hope you are willing to die in this office because I am. ibid. Pam
Kids, just remember suicide is never the answer. All right? It is the easy way out. You are not alone. The Office US s6e8: Koi Pond, Michael to Halloween children in warehouse
Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So actually, Jim is my enemy. But ... ibid. Dwight
I had a fish-stick sandwich. Actually I had two fish-stick sandwiches. The Office US s6e9: Double Date, Michael’s breakfast
Can’t a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they’ll owe him a favour which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him any more? Jeez. ibid. Dwight to camera
You’ll have to be more specific, Dwight. I get about eight emails a day. The Office US s6e10: Murder, Michael
You can all have jobs at Schrute farms as human scarecrows. It doesn’t pay much. And you can’t unionise. ibid. Dwight
Let’s go do some work. ibid. Jim to office
Today is the hardest I have worked in a long long time. ibid. Michael
Alan: There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin’s future and one of them is here with us today – Michael Scott, Scranton Branch Manager.
Dwight: Yes!
Alan: In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. [little applause] Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste-pulp re-purposing plant in Milford. [louder, more enthusiastic applause] The Office US s6e11: Shareholders’ Meeting
There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk. The Office US s6e12: Scott’s Tots, Michael to Andy
Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I’ve worked had one: Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron. ibid. Michael to Jim
I just, I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ’em a promise: I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life, but hands down that was the most generous. ibid. Michael
Michael: David, guess who I am sitting here dressed as.
David: I’m not going to guess. You can tell me, or I will hang up.
Michael: I will give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.
David: Michael ...
Michael: I am Jesus, David, and you know why? Because Phyllis – a woman – has usurped my role as Santa. The Office US s6e13: Secret Santa