I declare bankruptcy! ibid. Michael
My whole family won’t talk to me on the advice of Counsel. ibid. Jan to Michael
Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn’t have points or scores. It doesn’t have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers. The Office US s4e9: Local Ad
I’m not really used to doing videos with so many people around. ibid. Meredith
Oscar, Toby and I are founding members of the Finer Things Club. The Office US s4e10: Branch Wars, Pam
Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me. ibid. Oscar
The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it’s where I need to be. ibid. Andy
I keep various weapons strategically placed throughout the office. The Office US s4e11: Survivor Man, Michael to Jim
The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant. ibid. Michael in forest
I don’t talk trash; I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there. The Office US s4e12: The Deposition, Kelly
All my heroes are table tennis players. ibid. Dwight
Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least nine times. The Office s4e13: Dinner Party, Jim
Does it bother me that I wasn’t invited to Michael’s dinner party? [weeps] ibid. Dwight
If I get frustrated or irritated or angry I come up here I and just smell all my candles. ibid. Karen
Candles are the number one fastest growing product in the centre of the market. Two billion dollar a year industry. And for only ten thousand dollars you could become a co-owner of Serenity by Jan. ibid. Michael to Jim & Andy
Michael: When I said that I wanted to have kids and you said that you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn’t wanna have kids? Who had it reversed back? Snip snap snip snap snip snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person! And I bought this condo to fill with children!
Jan: I am so sorry that I don’t wanna bring kids into this screwed up world.
Michael: I am sorry too.
Jan: But look if you wanna have kids, then fine! You win! Let’s have a fucking kid!
Michael: Do you mean it? You wanna have a kid?
Jan: I hate my life. ibid.
I did this for the little guy. For Joe Six-pack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his $400 a month apartment, wonders how he’s going to pay his mortgage; wonders how he’s going to fill his car up with oil; wonders, How am I going to pay my kids’ orphanage bills? That guy shouldn’t have to wonder where he’s going to park. The Office US s4e14: Chair Model, Andy
All of it is happening in our virtual paper store. The Office US s4e15: Night Out, Ryan
Jungle warfare is gonna rule the world. It’s inevitable, right? ibid. Ryan to Michael
Friends joke with one another. Hey you’re poor. Hey, your momma’s dead. That’s what friends do. The Office US s4e16: Did I Stutter? Michael
Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan: he was the temp here. Yeah and, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: Try. The Office US s4e17: Job Fair, Jim
Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked. The Office US s4e18&19: Goodbye Toby, Dwight
I have a very strong prejudice against human resources. I believe that the department is a breeding ground for monsters. ibid. Michael
What do I do here? I should have written it down. ibid. Creed
Who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock as a going-away present? ibid. Michael to office
Holly is sweat and simple. Like a lady baker. ibid. Michael
Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II. ibid. Michael
What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years. The Office US s5e1&2: Weightloss, Michael
Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It’s going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don’t get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It’s from Mexico.
[cuts to Creed interview] Creed: That wasn’t a tapeworm. ibid.
Ryan: Kelly.
Kelly: Oh hello, Ryan. You look well.
Ryan: I wanted to say I’m sorry ... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid-twenties and I was going through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11. ibid.
That isn’t ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of the competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules. The Office US s5e3: Business Ethics, Oscar
I just don’t want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. What sort of place is that to call home? ibid. Michael to Holly
Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own circumcision. The Office US s5e4: Baby Shower, Dwight
The baby could be anybody’s. Except Michael’s. ibid. Dwight
I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me. And I think it’s because they see me as one of them ... If a baby were President, there would be no taxes. There would be no war. There would be no ... government, and ... things could get terrible. ibid. Michael
In my opinion the third date is traditionally the one where you have sex … If she starts having sex with me, I’ll know for sure. The Office US s5e5: Crime Aid, Michael
I’m calling it Crime-aid … It’s us fighting against our own poverty. ibid.
You’re crying. Allergies? Did Darryl touch you? The Office US s5e6: Employee Transfer, Michael to Holly
The company has a policy against eight-hour personal calls. The Office US s5e7: Customer Survey, Pam
If history tells us anything it’s that you can’t be wrong buying a house you can’t afford. ibid. Jim
In Japan you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. The Office US s5e8: Business Trip, Michael’s business trip advice
Oscar: What’s first base with Angela?
Andy: I get to kiss her forehead. ibid.