The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don’t know them, it wasn’t your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day. And so, when you find someone you have a connection with. And, yeah, Dawn was a ray of sunshine in my life. ibid. Tim
Camera interview: How would you like to be remembered?
David: Simply as the man who put a smile on the face of all he met. ibid.
I’m not going to sell you the usual – excuse the French – management bullshit. You’ve heard enough of that in the last ten minutes. The Office Values – Microsoft UK Training With David Brent
You’re no good to man nor beast. I mean, like myself there’s no good reason why you can’t utterly satisfy a woman in twenty to thirty minutes, get some important paperwork done and get out and have a sleep. Time management. ibid.
Nelson Mandela. Thirty years in captivity ... It also shows you that prison works. ibid.
Too much thinking makes Jack a mental case. Yeah, that’s what turned Stephen Hawkins mad. ibid.
Are you working on anything like a Robocop here? ibid.
Walkathon – I thought you said something else. ibid. nerdy bloke
Strengths include but are not limited to the way that I set out each day to seek perfection, achieve perfection and maintain perfection. ibid. David
Hello. I’m David Brent. You probably know me as the star of the BBC2 documentary The Office back in two thousand and [giggles and puts hand over mouth]. No, that was then. This is now. I’m currently a singer songwriter. And a rep … I am following my dream as the lead singer in the band Foregone Conclusion and this is our story. David Brent: Life on the Road 2016 starring Ricky Gervais & Ben Bailey Smith & Andy Burrows & Tom Basden & Jo Hartley & Mandeep Dhillon & Rebecca Gethings & Nina Sosanya & Tom Bennett & Andrew Brooke et al, director Ricky Gervais
Life on the open road. It’s in my blood. ibid.
I used to have my own office. Better than that in a way. ibid.
I’m sure you didn’t mean to cause offence, David … ibid. Human Resources woman
I took out a lot of private pensions in the ’90s, you know. And some of them are worth as much as I put in now. ibid.
On the road is really where I come alive. ibid.
People say I am the best boss. They go, God, we’ve never worked in a place like this before, you’re hilarious, and you get the best out of us. The Office US s1e1: Pilot, Michael
I’m sort of a student of comedy. ibid. Michael to new temp Ryan
I think I’m a role model here. I think I garner people’s respect. ibid. Michael
Today is diversity day. And someone is going to come in and talk to us about diversity. Something that I’ve been pushing. That I’ve been wanting to push for a long time. The Office US s1e2: Diversity Day, Michael
We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance. ibid. diversity guy
Is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive? ibid. Michael
The most sacred thing I do is care … I heal them. The Office US s1e3: Health Care, Michael
I am in my office. I am swamped. ibid. Michael’s phone call to Pam
I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that er I get no pleasure out of saying the words You’re fired. The Office US s1e4: The Alliance, Michael
What am I going to do with a removed uterus? ibid. Michael to Dwight
When I am playing hoops all of the stress and responsibility of my job here melts away. The Office US s1e5: Basketball, Pam to Michael
Coffee is the great incentiviser in the office. The Office US s1e6: New Girl
Michael has taped every Dundies award and now he’s making me look through hours of footage to find highlights. The Office US s2e1: The Dundies
Not offensive because it’s nature, educational. The Office US s2e2: Sexual Harassment, Michael
Not offensive because that’s how they talk in movies. The Office US s2e3: Office Olympics, Michael
There are ten rules in business that you need to learn. Number one: you need to play to win but also have to win to play. The Office US s2e4: The Fire
We’re really interested in most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. The Office US s2e5: Halloween, Jim
Where is my desk? The Office US s2e6: The Fight, Dwight
Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. ibid.
He [Michael] loves the way he looks in those jeans. I know that’s why he’s started casual Fridays. The Office US s2e7: The Client, Pam
They just don’t get much work done when I’m not here. ibid.
Do you do her? ibid. Dwight to Michael, re Jan
This is just our first fight. ibid. Michael to Jan
Did you learn that on the streets? The Office US s2e8: Performance Review, Michael to Stanley
I heard they made out and had sex. ibid. Kevin
lease don’t smell me, Michael. ibid. Jan
The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start. The Office US s2e9: E-mail Surveillance, Michael
There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. ibid. Dwight
He is a good guy, not a terrorist. ibid. Michael, re IT guy
Christmas bonus. Three thousand Gs. I got this for helping save the company money. The Office US s2e10: Christmas Party, Michael
This is not just another party; this is a leadership training exercise. The Office US s2e11: Booze Cruise, Michael
You burnt your foot on a Foreman grill? The Office US s2e12: The Injury, Jim to Michael
I just want to be treated normally today. ibid. Michael
You’re job is being my friend, Pam. ibid.
Meredith – men’s room, make sure you replace the urinal cakes, they’re worn down. The Office US s2e13: The Secret, Dwight’s chores assignments
And that is why I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possible can. ibid.
I get ten vacation days a year and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible. And this year I got to the third week in January. The Office US s2e14: The Carpet, Pam
Studies show that today’s woman, the Ally McBeal woman as I call her, is at a crossroads. The Office US s2e15: Boys and Girls
Judging by her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore. ibid. Angela
Me in New York? I own that city. The Office US s2e16: Valentine’s Day
What is a business? ibid. Michael’s management presentation
I don’t like to be cooped up in that office, in that box, all day long … because I need to think. The Office US s2e17: Dwight’s speech, Michael
This is Creed and he’s in charge of … something. The Office US s2e18: Take Your Daughter to Work Day, Michael
Raise your hand if you want to get rich? … It’s not a pyramid scheme. The Office US s2e19: Michael’s Birthday, Michael
I like the people I work with generally. With four exceptions. The Office US s2e20: Drug Testing, Dwight