For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not.
And when the king’s decree which he shall make shall be published throughout all his empire, (for it is great,) all the wives shall give to their husbands honour, both to great and small.
And the saying pleased the king and the princes; and the king did according to the word of Memucan:
For he sent letters into all the king’s provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house, and that it should be published according to the language of every people. Esher 1:17&20-22
‘Next!’
‘Are you the Marriage Guidance Counsellor?’
‘Yes, morning. And good morning to you, madam. Name? And what is the name of your ravishing wife? Wait. Don’t tell me. Something to do with moonlight. It goes with her eyes.’ Monty Python’s And Now For Something Completely Different 1971 starring Graham Chapman & John Cleese & Terry Gilliam & Eric Idle & Terry Jones & Michael Palin & Carol Cleveland & Connie Booth et al, director Ian MacNaughton
Are you married? I’m a bachelor meself ha ha. Is your wife a goer? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Know what I mean? Say no more. Say no more. Know what I mean. Nudge nudge ... A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat. ibid.
Marriage isn’t a word … it’s a sentence! The Crowd 1928 starring Eleanor Boardman & James Murray & Bert Roach & Estelle Clark & Daniel G Tomlinson & Dell Henderson & Lucy Beaumont & Freddie Burke Frederick & Alice Mildren Puter et al, director King Vidor
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. Winston Churchill
I’d marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year. Bette Davis
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor
I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up. Barbara Bush
He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. Mae West
There is not infrequently, in marriage, a suggestion of purchase, of acquiring a woman on condition of keeping her in a certain standard of material comfort. Often and often, a marriage hardly differs from prostitution except by being harder to escape from. Bertrand Russell, Proposed Roads To Freedom, 1918
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. Homer Simpson, The Simpsons s14e2: How I Spent My Strummer Vacation, Fox 2002
There is not one of us who cannot recall to memory the experience of some case in which a woman submitted to the worst of treatment, treatment degrading and humiliating, and allowed it to continue rather than permit her name to become the subject of a public scandal. Lord Fitzgerald, G v M 1885 L R 10 Ap Ca 208
Why do not words, and kiss, and solemn pledge,
And nature that is kind in woman’s breast,
And reason that in man is wise and good,
And fear of Him who is a righteous Judge,—
Why do not these prevail for human life,
To keep two hearts together, that began
Their spring-time with one love. William Wordsworth, Excursion VI
Marriages are made in heaven. Alfred Lord Tennyson
Troy has a thing for married women ... Troy’s most recent distraction is the wife of a Navy Seal. Ray Donovan s3e2: Ding, Showtime 2015
Whatever happens it won’t be a flashy wedding. Nah, yeah, just be a registry office to save money. And then what we’ll probably do is move in with me mum for a few months. Yeah, let Dawn get a few kiddies under her belt which will be nice ’cause then me mum can look after them. The Office UK s1e3: The Quiz, Lee, BBC 2001
The thing about long-term marriage is that inevitably the sex suffers. The Office UK s1e4: Training, Gareth
I am never getting married. Like Clooney. The Office US s6e18: The Delivery II, Meredith, NBC 2009
What a dump! Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 1966 starring Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton & George Segal & Sandy Dennis & Agnes Flanagan & Frank Flanagan, director Mike Nichols, opening scene, her to him
I think that’s what I like about you most – your anger. ibid.
My God, you can swill it down, can’t you? ibid. him to her
I’ll talk about any god-damned thing I want to. Any god-damned thing I want. ibid. her to him
My God, you’re a wicked woman. A deeply wicked person. ibid. him to her
You’re looking for a punch in the mouth, do you know that, Martha? ibid. him to her
You’re a monster, you are. ibid.
I am the Earth mother. And you are all flops. ibid. her to male guest
It’s a respectable [marriage] agency, Your Honour. Proper printed notepaper. Advertisement in the Horse and Hound – everything. The Pure Hell of St Trinian’s 1960 starring Joyce Grenfell & George Cole & Cecil Parker & Eric Barker & Thorley Walters & Irene Handl & Lloyd Lamble & Nicholas Phipps & John le Mesurier & Basil Dignam & Michael Ripper & Raymond Huntley & Liz Frazer & George Benson & Sid James et al, director Frank Launder, Cole in court
Were you planning on proposing marriage at some point? The Long Walk to Finchley starring Andrea Riseborough & Samuel West & Rory Kinnear & Philip Jackson & Julia Joyce & Michael Selwood & Geoffrey Palmer et al, Maggie to Denis, BBC 2008
I didn’t want to get married. It’s degrading. It’s animal. Marnie 1964 starring Tippi Hedren & Sean Connery & Diane Baker & Martin Gabel & Louise Latham & Mariette Hartley & Bruce Dern & Alan Napier & Bob Sweeney & Meg Wyllie & Kimberley Beck et al, director Alfred Hitchcock, her to him
There’s a good chance they’re not his neither. When we were married I had this sort of friend. Well it was the only thing that kept me sane. Alan Bleasdale, Boys From the Blackstuff: Yosser’s Story, Maureen, BBC 1982
He always thought he was going to be somebody. ibid.
They want my kids now. They’ve got everything else. ibid.
I would be married, but I’d have no wife,
I would be married to a single life. Charles Bukowski
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner’s inquest. H L Mencken
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. H L Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy, 1949
First she would try to kill him, but failing this give him food and her body, breast-feed him back to a state of childishness and even, perhaps, feel affection for him. Then, the moment he was asleep, cut his throat. The synopsis of the ideal marriage. J G Ballard, High-Rise
Awake,
My fairest, my espous’d, my latest found,
Heaven’s last best gift, my ever new delight! John Milton, Paradise Lost V:17
To the nuptial bower
I led her, blushing like the morn; all Heaven,
And happy constellations on that hour
Shed their selectest influence; the earth
Gave sign of gratulation, and each hill
Joyous the birds; fresh gales and gentle airs
Whisper’d it to the woods, and from their wings
Flung rose, flung odours from the spicy shrub. ibid. VIII:510
For nothing lovelier can be found
In woman, than to study household good,
And good works in her husband to promote. ibid. IX:232
For what thou art is mine:
Our state cannot be sever’d; we are one,
One flesh; to lose thee were to lose myself. ibid. IX:957
And to thy husband’s will
Thine shall submit; he over thee shall rule. ibid. X:195