Joy McKinney, former Miss Wyoming, joined the Morg [Mormon Church] from the Appalachians. Her first devout act was to try and get off with Wayne Osmond. Rebuffed, she started a relationship with Kirk Anderson. When Kirk tried to end the affair, Joy stalked him around the US and harassed him so seriously he requested a posting overseas. The Morg’s response was to send him on a mission (where Hamlet was sent in the throes of madness) to England.
Joy hired a private detective, tracked him down and descended on London in tow with a young Keith May who seems to have been besotted with the free-wheeling Joy.
Naturally, Joy and Keith threatened Kirk with replica guns, bundled him into a car and carted him to a rented cottage, where he was held captive for three days. The London Evening News of 23rd November 1977 reported the committal proceedings at Epsom magistrates court:
‘A young Mormon missionary told today how an ex-beauty queen kidnapped him and then made love to him while he was chained to a bed in a lonely cottage.
‘Kirk Anderson, 21, said the girl, Joy McKinney, and her friend, Keith May, tied down his arms and legs with leather straps, padlocks, chains and rope, so that he was spreadeagled.
‘May then left the room while Miss McKinney tore off his blue silk pyjamas.
‘“She grabbed my pyjamas from just around my neck and tore them from my body. The chains were tight and I could not move. She proceeded to have intercourse. I did not want it to happen. I was very upset.”’
Joy McKinney was a tabloid star. Suddenly, little Britain discovered Mormon Big Love. Joy lapped the attention and London loved her. At a bail hearing, when it is not normally necessary to give evidence, Joy McKinney spilt the sexual beans. From the witness-box Joy spoke in a fabulously exotic Southern drawl and with no sense of shyness or inhibition. London 1977 was treated to the lurid details of Mormon Big Love Missionary Style.
‘Kirk has to be tied up to have an orgasm. I co-operated because I loved him and wanted to help him. Sexual bondage turns him on because he doesn’t have to feel guilty. The thought of being powerless before a woman seems to excite him. I didn’t have to give him oral sex ... I did do it at his request because he likes it.’
And in her most famous phrase, she drawled: ‘I loved Kirk so much that I would have skied down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose.’
The newspapers exploded. So did the magistrates. Joy McKinney was released on bail with a charge of kidnapping chained to her wrist (a charge of rape could not then brought when the victim, a man, seemed to enjoy being a sex slave; no-one in the country seemed to give a toss about the alleged victim).
Joyce McKinney, London’s hottest star, did a runner. The trial was set for May 1978, but Joy jumped bail, fled the country and arrived in America via Ireland and Canada. Without sub-judice restrictions the gutter press printed every salacious details including her not-so Mormon career in soft porn.
Joy McKinney was later identified by the Salt Lake Tribune in August 2008 as one Bernann McKinney, gaining further fame by buying five cloned pitbulls of her dead dog Booger. esias, board re-post 1st April 2012 original, ‘Male Mormon Missionary Kidnapped for a Sex Slave!’
A short few weeks with someone who was the star in the crown than to spend my life with someone and be miserable. Joyce McKinney
Love is not a changing thing. It’s a steadfast and an eternal thing. It’s like an eternal flame. It doesn’t just stop because of circumstances or situations; it goes on after death. Joyce McKinney
I really didn’t feel I’d done anything wrong. Tabloid: Sex in Chains, BBC 2012, Joyce McKinney, BBC 2012
I wanted a special guy. ibid.
When I met my Kirk it was like in the movies. ibid.
And proceeded to take off all her clothes. ibid. Kirk
You ripped off his magic underwear? ibid. reporter to Joyce
Kirk was impotent. Sexually impotent [without bondage]. ibid. Joyce
We made love for three days. ibid.
I wanted us to have a good sex life. I wanted to be a good wife to Kirk. And I wanted to give him lots of babies in my tummy. ibid.
You think a woman can rape a man? ibid. reporter
I was suddenly a celebrity. ibid.
Love In Chains. ibid. newspaper cartoon
Funny, you don’t often see carnations at this altitude. ibid. cartoon of mountaineers passing McKinney racing nude down mountain
Keith Moon, who was the drummer for the Who, spied me. ibid. Joyce
I resent the word fled. I left. ibid.
The Sun admitted it was a fake picture. ibid.
A normal all American kid. ibid.
The Love has never ended. ibid.
Joyce McKinney is still working on her book. Scotland Yard never pursued the extradition. She lives with her five Booger clones: Booger-Hong, Booger-Ra, Booger-Mack, Booger-Park, and Booger-Lee. Keith Joseph May (KJ) died in 2004 of kidney failure. Steve Moskowitz could not be located. Kirk Anderson lives in Utah. He refused to be interviewed. ibid.
Mormon Girl’s Curfew Lifted. Evening News Monday March 13 1978
How Little Miss Perfect Made a Fortune Out of Sex. Daily Mirror 22 May 1978
For fifty-five minutes Miss McKinney poured out her statement to an occasionally confused magistrate ... He put me in prison to save himself from excommunication and family disgrace. This was a phony kidnap ... We had three days of fun, food and sex. ITV News Report
When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. Matt Groening
I lose my respect for the man who can make the mystery of sex the subject of a coarse jest, yet when you speak earnestly and seriously on the subject, is silent. Henry David Thoreau
Sexuality is such a part of life, but sexuality in the movies – I have a hard time finding it. Catherine Deneauve
Sexual intercourse ... is merely internal attrition and the spasmodic excretion of mucus. Marcus Aurelius
The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable. Lord Chesterfield, 1694-1773
Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round. David Lodge, The British Museum is Falling Down, 1965
My girlfriend said to me, ‘Have you been having sex behind my back?’ I said, ‘Who the fucking hell did you think it was?’ Jimmy Carr
Sexual intercourse began
In nineteen sixty-three
(Which was rather late for me) –
Between the end of the Chatterley ban
And The Beatles’ first LP.
Up till then there’d only been
A sort of bargaining,
A wrangle for a ring,
A shame that started at sixteen
And spread to everything.
Then all at once the quarrel sank:
Everyone felt the same,
And every life became
A brilliant breaking of the bank,
A quite unloseable game.
So life was never better than
In nineteen sixty three
(Though just too late for me) –
Between the end of the Chatterley ban
And The Beatle’s first LP. Philip Larkin, Annus Mirabilis
I want to be wooed. Carry on Matron 1972 starring Sid James & Kenneth Williams & Charles Hawtrey & Hattie Jacques & Joan Sims & Bernard Breslaw & Terry Scott & Kenneth Connor & Wendy Richard et al, director Gerald Thomas, Jacques to Williams
I’m only flesh and blood. I’m tingling like a beast. Aflame with passion. Burning with desire. ibid. Williams to Jacques
I am a woman. Not a Do it Yourself kit. ibid. Jacques to Williams