2. I could not come to terms with the missionary experience either. It came as a complete shock to me. I went out full of idealism, and high hopes. I was going to embark on a splendid spiritual journey. I would gain that elusive testimony, know the church is true, and come back ready for a life of obedience.
What I got was a para-military nightmare, fresh from the exercise of totalitarian authority. I was told what to read, think, eat, and wear. I was not able to sit down in the summer heat without being made to feel guilty. I was expected to be out at night in sub-zero weather, knocking on doors at 9:00 p.m. I was rebuked for honesty, and humiliated for normal thoughts. I was pushed around, bullied, and misused. I came as a volunteer, asking for nothing. In exchange, I was treated like dirt. I never have forgotten the experience. After all, it was ‘the best two years of my life’. (lightfingerlouie, board post ‘The Stuff I Couldn’t Take, And Still Can't Forget’)
3. 'It makes me sick to think of all the people I damaged on my mission. My mission was run by numbers. We were constantly quoted that ‘as long as the convert puts out their cigarette on the way down to the water, they are worthy’ ...
As a missionary I never doubted what I was told to do, but I hated baptizing people who I knew would never continue to attend church. Why did I not see what was going on?
We were told never to bring up blacks in the priesthood or polygamy in our discussions. I still remember the heartbreaking look on a single black mothers faces, two weeks after she was baptized, when she found out about blacks in the priesthood. She cried and asked us why we did not teach her this ... I look back now and it makes me physically ill to think about this poor women we took advantage of. How could mission presidents have taught this crap to vulnerable young people? Dirty rotten SoBs.
My mission was nothing but a numbers and ranking game. To win the game you had to baptize a lot, and advance in ranks (district leader, zone leader, AP). Oh, I made it to the top and was an AP and I and my family were so proud. Nobody ever asked me if the people I damaged (baptized) were happier as members of the church.
I knew what I was doing was not right, but I was so blind I did everything I was told. It has been twenty years since I served on my mission and I am ashamed. If I had all the address of the people I baptized I would send them an apology letter ... Even on my mission I felt I was not good enough for the church and it really eats at me what the church has done to my confidence and self-esteem. What would my life had been like if I had not put all my energy into ‘not feeling guilty’? What a waste of two years. (JT, board post ‘Regrets of Going on a Mission’)
4. Ballard got up and stated our baptism total was awful and we should be ashamed (completely contradicting the mission president, poor guy). He then started to interview companionships from the pulpit (it front of everyone). He first had zone leader companionships stand up, one by one. Example of a typical question, ‘Are you out of your apartment by 9:30 every morning and working?’ (In fact, if you answer yes to this question you are a certifiable liar. Notice that guilt is completely programmed and expected by this line of questioning. What a jerk.) Now this question is a set up. No companionship is out every morning by 9:30. The answer to this question is no. Now this may not seem too bad but remember the setting. You have a General Authority (who is God to you) asking you questions in front of half the missionaries in the mission with the express purpose of showing everyone that you are a big sinner. If your companionship is ‘lucky’ enough to be called by Ballard, you will be embarrassed to the nth degree! After asking the companionship several questions, he would sneer and ask them to sit down. After interviewing about six companionships from the pulpit he declared he knew what was wrong with our mission, DISOBEDIENCE. We have low baptisms because we are BIG sinners and his interviews ‘proved’ this. He told us about what a great missionary he was. He stated that he would be happy to get out his journal and compare his hours of tracting with anyone in the room, implying he worked harder that anyone else (a very humble man!).
I can testify with a surety based on my being there, that this is the second worst experience in my life. The meeting was the beginning of my apostasy. (MMan, board post ‘Ballard Story’)
5. It all started with the pressure from his dad who was then a bishop and at the time of his death a stake president. He was always pushed to be the perfect student, perfect Priesthood holder and would serve an honorable mission, where nothing but excellence would be acceptable. Shortly into his mission he came down with illness and deep depression. He was over prescribed with large doses of anti-depressants which eventually caused permanent damage to his brain. They continued to try and treat him on his mission but he kept getting worse. To come home early was almost unthinkable. He was finally forced to go home early, but by that time he was severely depressed and felt like a complete failure. He would not go out in public and spent long hours in the dark. When he spoke to others he would be shaking. They tried all kinds of anti-depressants, counseling and eventually shock therapy. Through this all he completely quit going to church and refused to participate in any of its activities. The day he killed himself his psychiatrist told him they had done all they could for him and that he had to start helping himself. They went home and within five minutes of being home he went in to his room and shot himself in the head with a large hunting rifle. The reason I share this story is because of all the pressure and guilt you see put on youth today to live up to the perfect Mormon mold.
What I found ironic was how they handled the funeral. Because his dad was a Stake President they had a General Authority, who did not even know him, come and speak about everything but their son. (rm, board post ‘Nephew Killed Himself After Returning Home From Mission Early For Health Reasons’)
As I recall I was involved in some heavy make out sessions. The bishop than wanted to know specific details. Did you reach or obtain an orgasm? How about your partner did she have an orgasm? Were your clothes on? Where did this happen? I just remember thinking, what a pervert. Why does he need to know these things? And I thought our sins were forgiven through the atonement of Christ. I actually asked him if I needed to talk specifically about these sins in order to obtain forgiveness and enter into the celestial kingdom. He said that it was necessary. So I guess I am going to hell unless I tell the bish about my orgasms, or specific details about what I did what bunch crap. The other problem is that you know that the things that you tell a bishop don’t stay to himself. My father-in-law also in the bishopric would say things to us that only the bishop should have known. This can create enormous problems to someone who thought what they were telling their spiritual adviser would be held in the strictest of confidence. I hope that the church get sued for allowing older men to ask personal questions of the sexual activities of the teenagers in their community. Ryan, board post, ‘Legal Issues of Church Officials Asking Sexual Questions of Minors’
A couple of years ago I was at the beach with eleven other TBM women.
This subject came up for discussion among us: ‘If you found out that one of your children was gay ... what would you do about it?’
TEN OUT OF THE TWELVE WOMEN SAID THEY WOULD DISOWN THAT CHILD! Ladyinthehat, board post 16th April 2009, ‘The Mormon Church Likes to Believe They Invented the Family’
We do not intend to admit to our campus any homosexuals. If any of you have this tendency and have not completely abandoned it, may I suggest that you leave the university immediately after this assembly ... We do not want others on this campus to be contaminated by your presence. Ernest Wilkinson, Brigham Young University, 1965 lecture Make Honor Your Standard
Brigham Young University will respond to student behavior rather than to feelings or orientation. Students can be enrolled at the university and remain in good Honor Code standing if they maintain a current ecclesiastical endorsement and conduct their lives in a manner consistent with gospel principles and the Honor Code.
Advocacy of a homosexual lifestyle (whether implied or explicit) or any behaviors that indicate homosexual conduct, including those not sexual in nature, are inappropriate and violate the Honor Code. Brigham Young University Honor Code
The Mormon Church spends millions fighting gay marriage. Why doesn’t the Mormon Church help victims of polygamy? Escaping Polygamy s1e1: Leah/Hannah, LMN 2014
Biases and cognitive dissonance play important roles in the psychological matrix that reduces the likelihood that sacred beliefs will be questioned. For example, once we have made up our minds about something and held the opinion for some time, we are biased in favor of not changing our minds. This is called ‘confirmation bias’. Some psychologists believe that it alone is responsible for more faulty human decisions than any other human foible ...
A cognition is a piece of knowledge about an attitude, an emotion, a behaviour, a value, etc. Two cognitions are said to be dissonant (thus producing ‘cognitive dissonance’) if one cognition conflicts with another. For example, I like my friend, and trust him. Various cognitions relate to this. If I find out that my friend has lied to me, other cognitions form that are dissonant with those I already hold. Cognitive dissonance is the term used to describe the resulting unpleasant mental state, which most humans immediately attempt to relieve themselves of much as they look for water when thirsty.
If two cognitions are dissonant, we tend to change one or both to make them consistent with each other. This often results in what is sometimes called ‘denial’ – the suppression or unrealistic appraisal of evidence in an effort to reduce cognitive dissonance. Denial is, by definition, invisible to the person or group that is subject to it, but often easily visible to outsiders. Anonymous, board post 21st July 2005 ‘Mormon Polygamy and Apologetics – An Overview’