I lost closer friends than darling Georgie the last time I was deloused. Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan E – General Hospital, Blackadder to Nurse, with George & Baldrick
Our battles are directed, sir? Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everyone’s dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise Alan? ibid. Blackadder to Melchett
If you come back with information, Captain Darling will pump you thoroughly in the debriefing room. ibid. Melchett to Blackadder
God, I love nurses. They’re so disgustingly clinical. ibid. Blackadder to Nurse
Well, George, I strongly suspect that your long wait for certain death is nearly at an end. Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan F – Goodbyeee
Gentlemen, our long wait is nearly at an end. Tomorrow morning General Insanity Melchett invites you to a mass slaughter – we’re going over the top. ibid. Blackadder to Baldrick & George
And there we were off to hammer the Bosh. Crashingly superb bunch of blokes, fine, clean-limbed, even their acne had a strange nobility about it. ibid. George to Blackadder
It was too much effort not to have a war. ibid. Blackadder to George & Baldrick
You’ve only got to look at him to see he’s as sane as I am. Baaah! ibid. Melchett to Blackadder, with Darling & Baldrick
Now then, soldier, are you looking forward to giving those Frenchies a damned good licking? ibid. Melchett to Baldrick
Hear the words I sing –
War’s a horrid thing.
So I sing sing sing
Ding-a-ling-a-ling. ibid. Baldrick’s war poem
I have a cunning plan, sir. ibid. Baldrick to Blackadder
Turnip Street workhouse pals – was great I’ll never forget it. It’s the first time I felt really popular. Everyone was cheering and throwing flowers ... All we had to do was bayonet sacks of straw ... All me friends are dead. ibid. Baldrick’s reminiscence
Why can’t we just stop, sir? Why can’t we just say no more killing; let’s all go home. Why would it be stupid just to pack it in, sir, why? ibid.
George: I mean we’ve had some good times. We’ve had some damnably good laughs, eh.
Blackadder: Yes, can’t think of any specific ones. ibid.
D’you know, over these last few years I’ve come to think of you as a sort of son. Not a favourite son of course. Lord, no. More a sort of illegitimate back-stairs sprog. Sort of spotty squit that nobody really likes. ibid. Melchett to Darling
Who would have noticed another madman around here? ibid. Blackadder to Baldrick
So it’s 6 p.m. in the nighttime which I when I wake up … I like to hang out with other vampires. What We Do in the Shadows, 2014
I got you this chicken. ibid. to Petyr the flatmate
He’s a really great guy. A bit of a pervert … ibid.
We’re vampires: we don’t put down towels. ibid. house meeting
Vampires have had a really bad rap. ibid.
I was a Nazi vampire. ibid.
We are trying to attract victims to us. ibid.
There are between 60 to 70 vampires in the greater Wellington region. ibid.
You have to drink human blood. I like to make an real evening of it. Play some music, maybe give them some nice wine … ibid.
My favourite food: I can’t eat chips. ibid. Nick
It’s just this big homo-erotic dick-biting club. And I’m stuck here ironing their fucking frills. ibid. female slave
Possibly even Christians – which is the last thing we need in this house. ibid.
The Procession of Shame. ibid. sentence passed on Nick
This is a bloody secret society, mate. ibid.
The job of a vampire sommelier is not an easy one. What We Do in the Shadows ***** pilot, Guillermo, BBC 2019
Yes, master. It’s time to – rise. ibid.
We have received a letter. ibid. house meeting with Nandor the Relentless
… curse of eternal life, and thus making me a bloodthirsty creature of the night. ibid. Laszlo re Nadja
The Baron is a firm believer that vampires should rule the world. ibid.
We should get a chariot led by twelve black alligators. ibid. Nadja
What about the Baron’s blood lust? ibid. Nandor
Energy vampires drain people’s energy merely by talking to them. We either bore you with a long conversation or we enrage you. In fact, you probably know an energy vampire. We are the most common kind of vampire. We are day-walkers not affected by the sun. ibid. Colin Robinson
There was a lot of prejudice against vampires at that time. ibid. Nadja
Yes, get me some glitter. Oh, I want to do something special for the Immortal One’s arrival. I’m going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body at twilight. Oh deliciously macabre – creepy paper, creepy paper, creepy – oh multi-pack. ibid. Nandor
Recently, I have been seeing another man. He doesn’t see me though … I think it is my reincarnated boyfriend Gregor … I should be preparing for the blood feast but I can’t seem to stay away from new Gregor. ibid.
It’s like they’re not even here. ibid. Laszlo to Baron, re presence of documentary cameras
Vampires love virgins. It’s their favourite food. What We Do in the Shadows s1e2: City Council ***** Guillermo
The Baron has charged us with the task of taking power over the New World. ibid. Nadja and Laszlo
The Baron’s familiar – she’s so creepy. ibid. Guillermo
We need a plan for total domination. ibid. Nandor
It’s a smorgasborg of banality and despair. ibid. Colin Robinson and gang at Staten Island Council evening session
Greetings, mortals. I will make this quick. I, Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of thousands, Immortal warrior, who has twice turned the Euphrates itself red with blood, hereby demand complete and total subjugation of this governing body to my command! ibid.
I have recently rediscovered my love for topiary sculpture. The art of bush manipulation. What We Do in the Shadows s1e3: Werewolf Feud, Laszlo
Am I a morning person? That would be an enthusiastic yes. ibid. Colin Robinson
I’ve been all alone since mother died. Talk later? Really? ibid. Evie to Colin Robinson at work
There’s a bloody big werewolf on the lawn. ibid. Nadja
I think there’s something weird about Evie. ibid. Colin Robinson meets emotional vampire at work
Will you stop keep crying on my lawn, please. ibid. Nadja to werewolf gang
Laszlo with finger on map: We have total dominion from here to here.
Nandor: So that’s two streets … What We Do in the Shadows s1e4: Manhattan Night Club
We are going into the city tonight. We are going to party. And dance. And form a power alliance with the Manhattan vampires so that we can crush the humans. No offence. ibid. Nandor
Obviously, being in a marriage for centuries can get boring. And it is in these moments of dissatisfaction that I think about my human ex-lover: Gregor. Oh, he is the most fantastic of men … He has been reincarnated again, and in this life he is called [thinks hard and several attempts at ‘Jeff’] What We Do in the Shadows s1e5: Animal Control, Nadja
They’ve stolen Laszlo. ibid. Nandor
Gregor doesn’t know I’m not human. ibid. Nadja
The reawakened Gregor: Let’s make animalistic freaky sex right now.
Nadja: But somebody else needs me in a much less erotic way. But you know it is what it is. ibid.
Vampires have hidden amongst humans for millennia. There are some in the community that believe that vampires should rule the world. One such person is the Baron. And he has become a massive prick. What We Do in the Shadows s1e6: Baron’s Night Out, Laszlo
He [Baron] is as mad as a waxed banana. ibid.
We drank the blood of some people. But the people were on drugs. Now I’m a wizard. ibid. Nandor