Milk depot manager: You are after all a man of God.
Dougal: A what? Father Ted s3e3: Speed 3
God, I love saying Mass. ibid. priest
And I’m good at being a Priest. Ted, it’s scary out there in the real non-Priest world. ibid. Dougal
Those women were in the nip! ibid. Dougal with light on
I’m so happy: the sun’s out, and we’re in an optician’s – it doesn’t get any better than this. Father Ted s3e4: The Mainland, Dougal
Drink! ibid. Father Jack at AA
There’s nothing stupid about football. And there’s nothing at all stupid about the Annual All Priests Five-a-Side Over-Seventy-Fives Indoor Football Challenge Match against Rugged Island. Father Ted s3e5: Escape From Victory, Dougal
There was a time when the over-seventy-fives put their heart into it. ibid. Ted
Does that coffin have a fax machine in it? ibid. Ted
A load of men kicking a bit of leather round a field. ibid. Mrs Doyle
Kick Bishop Brennan up the arse … I lost the bet, Dougal. Father Ted s3e6: Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse, Ted’s challenge
Ted: I like this parish.
Dougal: Do you?
Ted: Well no. ibid.
Have you heard about the mystery of the mud angel? ibid. Dougal
He did kick me up the arse! ibid. Bishop Brennan
Your poem was actually worse than Mrs Doyle’s. Father Ted s3e7: Night of the Nearly Dead, Dougal to Ted
Drink. Feck. Arse. Girls. ibid. Father Jack
To be honest I couldn’t give a toss. Father Ted s3e8: Going to America, Ted
It’s a competitive market: you’ll be up against Billy Graham and those Nation of Islam guys. ibid. Buzz
It says 1990 on it so that means we must have written it here. Small, Far Away: The World of Father Ted, Arthur Mathews co-writer, Channel 4 2011
Father Ted started off it wasn’t a sitcom about Ted at all, it was a documentary series. ibid. Graham Linehan, co-writer
People will say you look like Dougal. ibid. Ardal O’Hanlon
Once you put on the gear, I become Dougal. ibid.
£98: it’s good to talk, my arse. The Royle Family s1e1: Bills Bills Bills, Jim with phone bill, BBC 1998
Who’s been ringing Aberdeen? ibid.
We’re up to our eyes in it here. Can’t seem to get nothing done. It’s all go. ibid.
I love squirty cream. The Royle Family s1e2: Making Ends Meet, Anthony
They’re dead strict about smoking at the baker’s. ibid. Barbara
I’ve got everything I want there in your mother. Are you going to make that cup of tea, Barb, or what? ibid. Jim
I’ll pick what I like in my own house. ibid.
He knocked her about a bit but her home were lovely. The Royle Family s1e3: Sunday Afternoon, Nana
I were unhappy for twenty-five years but at least I had a try. ibid. Nana
Who’s Beverly Macca? ibid. Nana
You never know with headaches what they might turn into. The Royle Family s1e4: Dad’s Birthday, Barbara
Barbara: Turn the tele off.
Jim: Eh? There’s no need for that. ibid.
Richard Gere is gay. I’m telling ya, it’s common knowledge that down The Feathers. ibid. Dave
You’d better bring your purse. ibid. Jim to Barbara
I’m going to have a brilliant time. Just to spite him, that git. The Royle Family s1e5: Another Woman, Denise
I’m not pissed. I only had about nine. ibid.
I think I’ve got liver failure. ibid. Jim
I don’t like anything blue, me. The Royle Family s1e6: Wedding Day, Nana
Does me hair look like shite? ibid. Denise
Get that door, will you, Antony. The Royle Family s2e1: Pregnancy, Jim
Barbara: Have you had your teas?
Dave and Denise: Yeah.
Barbara: What did you have?
Denise: Dairylea on Toast ... I made it meself. ibid.
Can I make you a nice bacon butty, Dave? Go and put some bacon on for us, will ya, Antony? ibid. Barbara
Mum, can you ask our Antony to make my bacon dead dead crispy? ibid. Denise
We’re pregnant. ibid. Denise
Get the red sauce, you lazy sod. He’s bone bloody idol. I don’t know where he gets it from. ibid. Jim
We’re going to get her ears pierced before the Christening. ibid. Denise
No, I’m not going to breast feed. ibid.
I’ve got to think about my independence, dad. ibid.
We’d better be going. The Bill is on in a bit. ibid. Mary
Mum, Antony’s full of germs. The Royle Family s2e2: Family Lunch, Denise
Nan: Where do you want me?
Jim: Next door. ibid.
Bring the squirty cream. ibid. Jim
Dale Winton’s wardrobes were lovely. ibid. Nana
I have never been on a motorbike in my whole life. ibid. Nana to Twiggy
Feng Shui, my arse. ibid. Jim
Mum, will you tell him? ibid. Denise
There’s nowhere like your own toilet. ibid. Nana
I just said about you know his disco and about the removals that he does. There isn’t much else to say about him really. The Royle Family s2e3: Nana’s Coming to Stay, Denise
Mum: What did you have?
Denise: Spaghetti. Hoops. ibid.
I’m managing a band. ibid. Antony
I’m still dying for a wee. ibid. Denise
I don’t think he realises what hard work it is for me carrying another person around. The Royle Family s2e4: Nana Comes to Stay, Denise
Mum I must get a blender ... What do you do with it? ibid. Denise
A baby intercom – so if we’re downstairs we have to go all the way up, you know, tell it to shut up and that. ibid.
I don’t know [Denise] where she inherits this bloody lazy streak from. ibid. Jim
The bloody change – you know what, I’m up to there with it. The Royle Family s2e5: Barbara Finally Has Enough, Jim to Dave
Denise: And he’s always got bits of food stuck in his beard.
Barbara: Well he never has a wash. The only time he has a wash is when he goes to the doctors. ibid.
She’s gone too far this time – bang! She just switched the tele off. ibid. Jim to Dave
How come we’ve been married for ages and your mum’s never offered to do my washing? ibid. Denise to Dave
I’ve never even drunk Ethanol. ibid. Denise to Dave, watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
I am making a brew. Even though that’s my favourite programme, I am making a brew. And do you know why? Because I’m a family man. ibid. Jim
Party, my arse. The Royle Family s2e6: Antony’s Birthday ***** Jim to Barbara
You never get a bloody minute to yourself in this house. ibid. Jim to Twiggy
Could she [Antony’s vegetarian girlfriend] have wafer-thin ham, Barbara? ibid. Nana