If God is what people say, there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries – and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, ‘As unhappy as God.’ Mark Twain, notebook 24 April to August 1885
If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks. He would not stoop to ask for any man's compliments, praises, flatteries; and He would be far above exacting them. I would have Him as self-respecting as the better sort of man in these regards.
He would not be a merchant, a trader. He would not buy these things. He would not sell, or offer to sell, temporary benefits of the joys of eternity for the product called worship. I would have Him as dignified as the better sort of man in this regard.
He would value no love but the love born of kindnesses conferred; not that born of benevolences contracted for. Repentance in a man’s heart for a wrong done would cancel and annul that sin; and no verbal prayers for forgiveness be required or desired or expected of that man.
In His Bible there would be no Unforgiveable Sin. He would recognize in Himself the Author and Inventor of Sin and Author and Inventor of the Vehicle and Appliances for its commission; and would place the whole responsibility where it would of right belong: upon Himself, the only Sinner.
He would not be a jealous God – a trait so small that even men despise it in each other.
He would not boast.
He would keep private His admirations of Himself; He would regard self-praise as unbecoming the dignity of his position.
He would not have the spirit of vengeance in His heart. Then it would not issue from His lips.
There would not be any hell – except the one we live in from the cradle to the grave.
There would not be any heaven – the kind described in the world’s Bibles.
He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when he could have made him happy with the same effort and he would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy. ibid.
One gets a bad habit of being unhappy. George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss
I have a wonderful house crammed with beautiful things. I did this house myself. I did a great job … Not many people would respect the choices I made … I don’t need a living. The War of the Roses 1989 starring Michael Douglas & Kathleen Turner & Danny DeVito & Marianne Sagebrecht & Sean Astin & Peter Donat & Heather Fairfield & G G Spradlin et al, director Danny DeVito, Turner unhappy
I want a divorce. I’ve thought about this a lot. I really don’t want to be married to you any more. ibid. her to him
I just want to smash your face in. [hits him] ibid. her to him
Oliver, there is no winning in this. There is only degrees of losing. ibid. DeVito to Douglas
If thou suffer injustice, console thyself; the true unhappiness is in doing it. Democritus
All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Just because you’ve got problems is no reason to be unhappy. Robert Schuller, TV evangelist, lecture to unemployed Flint car workers
I were unhappy for twenty-five years but at least I had a try. The Royle Family s1e3: Sunday Afternoon, Nana, BBC 1998
I dress in black to match my life. I am unhappy. Anton Chekhov: The Sea-Gull, Masha, written 1895; viz 1968 starring James Mason & Vanessa Redgrave et al
Happiness does not depend on riches; poor men are often happy. ibid.
The tragedy of my existence: even when I was young I always looked as if I were drunk; I never had any success with women. ibid. Sorin
I feel that they only endure me because I am her son. ibid. Treplieff
It must be pleasant to be even an insignificant author. ibid.
I think love should come in every play. ibid. Nina
All is void, void, void. All is terrible, terrible. The bodies of all living creatures have dropped to dust … ibid. Nina’s monologue re future
Let him write and he feels and can, but let him spare me his nonsense. ibid. Arkadina
An angel of silence is flying over our heads. ibid. Dorn
I am in agony. No-one, no-one can imagine how I suffer. ibid. Masha
Often I have no desire to live at all. ibid.
One still wants to live at 65. ibid. Sorin
Wine and tobacco destroy the individuality. ibid. Dorn
What could be duller than this dear tedium of the country? ibid. Arkadina
I was base enough today to kill this sea-gull. I lay it at your feet. ibid. Treplieff to Nina
If the critics praise me, I am happy; if they condemn me, I am out of sorts for the next two days. ibid. Trigorin
Violent obsessions sometimes take hold of a man. ibid.
I cannot escape myself though I feel I am consuming my life. ibid.
I have never pleased myself. As a writer, I do not like myself at all. ibid.
I have no will of my own. I never had. I am too indolent, too submissive, too phlegmatic, to have any. ibid.
It is only a pity that he [Constantine] has no definite object in view. He creates impressions, and nothing more, and one cannot go far on impressions alone. ibid. Dorn
Take a little tea, my son … A little vodka instead? Anton Chekhov, Uncle Vanya, published 1897; Marina to Astroff, viz BBC production 1991
I am overworked. Nurse, I am on my feet from dawn to dusk. I know no rest. ibid. Astroff to Marina
My life has gone completely off the track. I sleep in the dark, drink wine … ibid. Voitski
What’s he [Professor] doing in there [library] all day? What’s he working on? ibid.
We destroy the forests, the rivers run dry, the wildlife is all but extinct, the climate is ruined … ibid.
This is not a happy home … One would not say this is a happy home. ibid. Helena
Soon the rain will be over, and all nature will sigh and awake refreshed. ibid. Voitski
Do you know, I couldn’t live a month in this house? This atmosphere would stifle me. ibid. Astroff
You drink and you gamble. Please stop. ibid. Sonia to Astroff
I am dying of this tedium. What shall I do? ibid. Helena to Sonia
We are confronted by the degradation of our country brought on by the fierce struggle for existence of the human race. It is a consequence of the ignorance and unconsciousness of starving, sick humanity that to save its children instinctively snatches at everything that can warm it and still its hunger. ibid. Astroff to Helena
What can we do? We must live our lives. Yes, we shall live, Uncle Vanya. We shall live through the long procession of days before us, through the long evenings; we shall patiently bear the trials that fate imposes on us; we shall work for others without rest, both now and when we are old: and when our last hour comes we shall meet it humbly, and there, beyond the grave, we shall say that we have suffered and wept, that our life was bitter, and God will have pity on us. ibid. Sonia
The train’s arrived, thank God. What’s the time? Anton Chekhov, The Cherry Orchard, published 1904; Lopakhin, viz BBC production 1981
My father was a peasant, it is true, but here I am in a white waistcoat and yellow shoes. ibid.
Some misfortune happens to me every day. But I don’t complain; I’m used to it. ibid. Epikhodov
If only you could marry a rich man, then I’d be happy and would go away somewhere by myself. ibid. Varya to Anya
As you already know, your cherry orchard is to be sold to pay your debts, and the sale is fixed for August 22nd. ibid. Lopakhin
Look, little mother: what lovely trees! And the air! The starlings are singing! ibid. Varya
You’d be so much happier in yourself if you only kept quiet. ibid. Anya to Gaev
Fate has been as pitiless in her dealings with me as a storm is to a small ship. ibid. Epikhodov
And what does it mean – you’ll die? Perhaps a man has a hundred senses, and when he dies only the five known to us are destroyed and the remaining ninety-five are left alive. ibid. Trofimov
We only philosophize, we complain that we are dull, or we drink Vodka. ibid.