I suppose you think it’s pretty weird, don’t you Mike? Well. You’d be right. ’Cause that’s the kind of guy I am, right. Weird. Which is why I go over people’s heads. A bit like an aeroplane. You think I’m an aeroplane, don’t you, Mike? Well I’m not. ibid.
Eaten any good books lately? ibid. rat to rat
Neil, are these lentils South African? You bastard! You complete and utter bastard! Why don’t you just go out and become a policeman. Become a pig. ibid. Neil
Killing myself – this is my last supper, right. I’ve finished building my gallows. ibid. Neil
We got a letter from the council. They’re going to demolish the house tomorrow. ibid. Vyvyan
They’re going to find it already demolished from within. ibid. Vyvyan
2,043. I’m going to kill myself now. [sticks head in oven] I see things much more clearly now. Goodbye, Rick. I’ll probably come back as a lentil. ibid. Neil to Rick
The woods and the darkness and the howling vind … ibid. Russian man to woman next door
A new programme for young adults: Nozin’ Around. ibid. Rick watches BBC, host Ben Elton
It says we’re a health hazard. ibid. Mike with letter from Council
House. House. House.
Oh, you are made of stone.
But you’re not a lonely house. ibid. Rick crucifies himself to front of house
Oh bloody heck! Is this the new house? The Young Ones s1e2: Oil ***** Rick
Why did you throw the toilet out of the window? ibid. Rick to Vyvyan
Are you going to make supper or am I going to kick your teeth in? ibid. Vyvyan to Neil
£5 to get into my own bedroom? Ha! What have you done – turn it into a roller disco? ibid. Rick to Mike
I’ve stuck oil! We’re gonna be rich! I’ve found oil in the cellar! ibid. Vyvyan
Vive el Presidenté! ibid. Vyvyan
Great! This is it! I’ve been waiting two hours for this. It’s a Revolution! Revolution! Blood runs! Flags wave. Come on everybody, throw down your tools and throw up the barricades. Come on. Run into the Winter Palace. Run into the Winter Palace and stand on the table waving bits of paper at each other. Yes! Yes! ... I’ve got everything ready. In ten minutes time there’s going to be a massive rock and roll benefit gig in the drawing room, right, and right at the climax the oppressed working classes of this house – that’s you mainly – rise up and seize control of the state. Brilliant! Revolution! Watch out Norman Tebbit! ibid. Rick & Neil in the cellar
Rick: Hi, Sputnik. Or can I call you comrade? Now, you know the plan, don’t you? Right at the peak of the gig we incite the masses to rise and we burn the Reichstag! Well, We burn Mike’s room, anyway. And they hey presto! Revolution! ibid.
Neil: What happened to the Revolution? You’d think Devil Woman had never been written! ibid.
Rick: Nothing interesting ever happens to us ... Guys, Guys, look at us. Squabbling. Bickering like children. What’s happening to us? We never used to be like this ... Nothing ever changes. Nothing ever happens to us ...
Vyvyan: Monopoly? The Young Ones s1e3: Boring *****
Mike: Vyvyan, you ever heard of cloning?
Vyvyan: No.
Mike: Oh that’s good. Would you swear to that?
Vyvyan: Certainly, if that’s what you want. Big jobs! ibid.
There’s someone at the door, Neil. ibid. Vyvyan
The time has come for us to go down the pub. ibid. Mike
Pollution. All around
Sometimes up.
Sometime down.
But always – around.
Pollution. Are you coming to my town?
Or am I coming to yours?
Ha! We’re on different buses, Pollution.
But we’re both using petrol.
Bombs. The Young Ones s1e4: Bomb ***** Rick’s poem
Viv, eat the tele. ibid. Mike
It’s all right, lads. I always pooh before I get up. ibid. Vyvyan
I mean, I don’t want to seem like a really heavy bread-head or anything, man. Like 5p is 5p. ibid.
Here, didn’t you kill my brother? ibid. Balowski to Mike
Don’t eat the cornflakes, Rick. There’s only one each. The Young Ones s1e5: Interesting ***** Neil et al at party
Behold – the Beast! ibid. Dawn French as Christian woman to Vyvyan
I’ve thought of a great new party game – dissection! ibid. Vyvyan
Let the punishment commence. Where is the prisoner? Then cast him down, master soldier. No no in the pit! The Young Ones s1e6: Flood ***** opening scene in back garden
God, I’m bored. I may as well be listening to Genesis. ibid. Rick
This comic is a reactionary militarist pamphlet. All they do is fight all the time. ibid.
Where’s the bloody vindaloo, hippy? ibid. Vyvyan
Not particularly. Have you got any kebabs? ibid. Woman in wardrobe land to Vyvyan
Neil: Rick’s bedroom’s on fire.
Vyvyan: Great. ibid. down in the cellar
Well super. Perfect. Lovely. Wonderful. Good old Vyvyan. Big tick. A-plus. Ten out of ten. Go and see Matron and get another bit of tuck. Bloody great isn’t it, Vyvyan. ibid. Rick
London has flooded. ibid. Mike
Right. That’s it. I’m going to kill myself and then you’ll be sorry. The Young Ones s2e1: Bambi, Rick, BBC 1984
No I didn’t, Mike. I said, Let’s throw Rick’s record player on the fire. That’ll be good for a laugh. The Young Ones s2e2: Cash ***** Vyvyan
If you so much as touch my car, I’ll kill you. ibid. Vyvyan to Neil
There’s no ghosts. There’s no God. ibid. Rick
Hello. I am your neighbour. ibid. Vyvyan
Darling fascist bully boy, give me some more money, you bastard. May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman. Neil. ibid. Neil’s letter to bank manager
I think I’m pregnant. I’m going to have a baby. ibid. Vyvyan
We haven’t got any money! Vyvyan’s baby will be a pauper! Oliver Twist! Geoffrey Dickens! Back to Victorian values! I hope you’re satisfied, Thatcher! ibid. Rick
We Take Absolutely Anyone. ibid. rozzers’ poster
It’s been a terrible blow to my life looking like Mussolini. ibid. Alexei Sayle
I still don’t see why we have to dig the grave, carry the coffin, and everything else. The Young Ones s2e3: Nasty, Vyvyan carrying coffin
Things could have been worse. You could have been me. ibid. Neil
Neil: We can’t bury Rick alive.
Vyvyan: That’s absolutely correct, Neil. We’d better kill him first. ibid.
Your video is now ready for use. Insert cassette. Rewind to beginning of tape and press play. Happy viewing. ibid. Mike
Michael and I are going to indulge in an all-night orgy of sex and violence. Yeah. First we’re going to have sex with the headless astronaut. It’s a video nasty! ibid. Vyvyan
Oh God. I’ve gotta stop sniffing this Ajax. ibid. Vyvyan
You’re a vampire and there’s no denying it. ibid. Vyvyan to Alexei Sayle’s vampire from South Africa
And we’ll all be dead and yet still alive – like Leonard Cohen. ibid. Neil
Harry the Bastard! ... Wow, what a complete bastard. ibid. gang with Alexei Sayle emerging from grave
Listen. It’s urgent. I’ve got to see ET. The Young Ones s2e4: Time, Rick as Mr Malvinas