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He [Lazarus] wasn’t dead; he was hungover … Actually we had thirteen … Red the Apostle: Nah! Red kept pretty much to himself … Don’t get started on Judas! … You never want to be crucified on an empty stomach … I thought it would rain … I do remember sleeping a long time after the crucifixion … George Carlin, Napalm and Silly Putty audio, interviews himself as Jesus
Jesus didn’t come to make us rich. Chris Hedges, lecture Seattle University 2018, ‘Corporate Totalitarianism: The End Game’ *****
Jesus: Almost revered back then as Beyonce is today. Cunk on Christmas, BBC 2017
Mary had to give birth here on the floor like a crack addict … He was born with a big yellow circle round his head. ibid.
Incredibly, the day he was born was only the beginning of Jesus’ life. ibid.
Jesus was born in Bethnal Green. Al Murray, A Beautiful British Tour, 2009
I hear you have allowed Jesus to come into your life. Yeah, that’s beautiful, that’s wonderful, that’s lovely, isn’t it, that’s lovely. And I was wondering, how does that work for you on a day to day, considering your line of work, mate? Peaky Blinders s3e5, Mr Solomons to Arthur, BBC 2016
Jeremiah: Jesus loves you.
Ex-Soldier: So where the fuck is he? Peaky Blinders s5e6: The Shock
Servant of God, well done, well hast thou fought
The better fight, who single has maintained
Against revolted multitudes the cause
Of truth, in word mightier than they in arms. John Milton, Paradise Lost 6:29
O Son, why sit we here each other viewing
Idely, while Satan our great Author thrives
In other worlds? ibid. X 235-236, God to Jesus
This is the month, and this the happy morn
Wherein the son of heaven’s eternal king
Of wedded maid, and virgin mother born,
Our great redemption from above did bring. John Milton, On the Morning of Christ’s Nativity
It was the winter wild,
While the heaven-born-chid
All meanly wrapped in the rude manger lies;
Nature in awe to him
Had doffed her gaudy trim,
With her great master so to sympathise. ibid.
The stars with deep amaze
Stand fixed in steadfast gaze,
Bending one way their precious influence,
And will not take their flight
For all the morning light,
Or Lucifer that often warned them thence. ibid.
The helmed cherubim
And sworded seraphim
Are seen in glittering ranks with wings displayed. ibid.
And hell itself will pass away,
And leave her dolorous mansions to the peering day. ibid.
So when the sun in bed,
Curtained with cloudy red,
Pillows his chin upon an orient wave. ibid.
If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews. Bill Hicks
Q) How do you feel about Jesus Christ?
A) I’m very fond of Jesus. My whole trouble is with his father. Shelby Foote
It is at this point we need to go back to the ancient Egyptians to further understand The Greatest Story Ever Told. Though all the essential pieces of the Christian story were long in existence before Egypt, it was the coming of the Pharaohs that the story was finally codified and became religious dogma. Jordan Maxwell, Paul Tice & Alan Snow, That Old Time Religion
Jesus is called the Lamb of God. The Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world. Now, you talk about an old concept and an old motif – that certainly is. Virtually all the ancient religions in the world had a Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world. Jordan Maxwell, The Naked Truth
If we could believe that he [Jesus] really countenanced the follies, the falsehoods, and the charlatanisms which his biographers father on him, and admit the misconstructions, interpolations, and theorizations of the fathers of the early, and the fanatics of the latter, ages, the conclusion would be irresistible by every sound mind that he was an impostor. Thomas Jefferson
In our Richmond there is much fanaticism, but chiefly among the women. They have their night meetings and praying parties, where, attended by their priests, and sometimes by a hen-pecked husband, they pour forth the effusions of their love to Jesus, in terms as amatory and carnal, as their modesty will permit to a merely earthly lover. Thomas Jefferson
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his father, in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Mineva in the brain of Jupiter. Thomas Jefferson
In the unity of the godhead there are three persons: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. These three persons being truly distinct one from another. Thus in the words of the Athenasian creed the Father is God, the Son is God, and the Holy Spirit is God. Yet there are not three Gods but one God. Catholic Encyclopaedia
In pursuit of power mankind builds new empires. New connections. Now one man’s life and death will touch the lives of millions. It will transform the destiny of an empire, and change the story of all of us. Mankind: The Story of All of Us III, History 2012
Jerusalem: 33 A.D. A provincial city under Roman rule. Occupied for a hundred years. ibid.
It can take three days to die on a cross: blood-loss, shock, dehydration, suffocation. ibid.
That little man ... he says women can’t have as much rights as men, cause Christ wasn’t a woman. Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman. Man had nothing to do with Him. Sojourner Truth, speech to Women’s Rights Convention 1851
The Book of Thomas does give us a Jesus who seems less apocalyptic ... More a gentle teacher of wisdom. Mysteries of the Bible s1e2: Jesus in Galilee, A&E 1994
Sepphoris: why do the Gospels make no mention of the business metropolis? ibid.
The Christmas story remains an unsolvable enigma. Mysteries of the Bible s1e6: Jesus: Holy Child
Luke’s account: there is no star shining in the heavens and there is no wise men. ibid.
Mythology’s list of virgin births is impressive. ibid.
For the first three hundred years after Jesus lived and died December 25th was not Christmas. ibid.
No written account by an eye-witness exists of the unique life and death of the young preacher from Galilee. Mysteries of the Bible s2e7: The Execution of Jesus