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In the summer of 1963, the year of the The Beatles’ first LP, the biggest scandal of the post-war years burst on to the front pages of Britain’s newspapers. John Profumo, the Secretary of State for War, and a married man, resigned after admitting that he’d had an affair with a nineteen-year-old model called Christine Keeler. It was the height of the Cold War. Sex, Lies and a Very British Scapegoat, ITV 2013
I’ve had some wonderful love affairs and some that didn’t work out. I don’t want to dwell on that and I don’t want to put people down, but I think all the fabulous places I’ve been, the wonderful things that have happened for me, the great people I’ve met – that ought to make a story. Ella Fitzgerald
You could have said no the first drink he brought you … or the first time he slapped your arse … You broke my heart, Wendy. Ozark s1e7: Nest Box, Marty to Wendy, Netflix 2017
I have something terrible to confess: I’ve been having an affair. The Fall V starring Gillian Anderson & Jamie Dornan & Laura Donnelly & Ben Peel et al, husband to wife, BBC 2013
I had her tested for AIDS – who do you think I am? The Sopranos s2e9: From Where to Eternity starring James Gandolfini & Lorriane Bracco & Edie Falco & Michael Imperioli & Dominic Chianese & Steven van Zandt & Tony Sirico & Robert Iler et al, Tony to Carmela
I used to fuck your husband. Tony loves me, you know ... He’s been sleeping with my cousin. The Sopranos s4e13: Whitecaps, Irina’s call to Carmela
You have made a fool of me for years with these whores. ibid. Carmela to Tony
You’ve had quite a time on my watch. ibid.
The last year I have been dreaming and fantasising and in love with Furio. ibid. Carmela to Tony
I had sex with that man. The Sopranos s5e6: Sentimental Education Carmela’s confession
Sneaking around is half the fun. ibid. Carmela to friend
She drove him into that woman’s arms, my mother. The Sopranos s5e7: In Camelot Tony to Dr Melfi
For me. You snivelling spineless coward. You’ve done nothing for me. Damned right I’m having an affair. With Johnny Mellors! Payroll 1961 starring Michael Craig & Francoise Prevost & Billie Whitelaw & William Lucas & Kenneth Griffith & Tom Bell & Barry Keegan & Edward Cast & Andrew Faulds & William Peacock & Glyn Houston et al, director Sidney Hayers, Mrs Pearson to Mr Pearson
21,032. Do you like being married? Does it work for you? I can’t see it working for me. I never felt the urge, you know. A lot of great looking women in the world. I never met one, made me want to give up all the others. Sure you can fuck around, but it’s so much damn work, keepin’ it quiet. It’s not worth the effort. A History of Violence 2005 starring Viggo Mortensen & Maria Bello & Ed Harris & William Hurt & Ashton Holmes & Peter MacNeill & Stephen McHattie & Greg Bryk & Kyle Schmid & Sumela Kay, director David Cronenberg, Richie
Charlie, I’ve been with another man. Rolling Thunder 1977 starring Tommy Lee Jones & William Devane & Linda Haynes & James Best & Dabney Coleman & Lisa Blake Richards & Luke Askew & James Victor et al, director John Flynn, her to hero
Keeping a mistress wasn’t unusual. In William Holman Hunt’s scandalous picture The Awakening Conscious a man canoodles with his mistress in their love nest. Jeremy Paxman: The Victorians: Home Sweet Home, BBC 2011
In Past and Present: Augustus Leopold Egg shows a wife prostrated before her husband begging for forgiveness ... In his hand he holds a letter he has intercepted from his wife’s lover. ibid.
Two more paintings accompany the main picture ... The sins of the mother have been visited on the next generation. In the final painting the destitute mother lies huddled alone under an arch cradling the illegitimate child that is the product of her affair. ibid.
And frequently dodged his duties to have affairs usually with married women. Edward VIII: The Traitor King, Channel 4 1995
Not one word of his affair had been reported to the British press. ibid.
In October 1936 the Simpson divorce came through. ibid.
I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again. I did not have sexual relations with that woman – Ms Lewinsky. Bill Clinton, 27th January 1998
cf.
Indeed I did have a relationship with Ms Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact it was wrong. Bill Clinton, 18th August 1998
It is foreign to a man’s nature to go on loving a person when he is told that he must and shall be that person's lover. There would be a much likelier chance of his doing it if he were told not to love. If the marriage ceremony consisted in an oath and signed contract between the parties to cease loving from that day forward, in consideration of personal possession being given, and to avoid each other’s society as much as possible in public, there would be more loving couples than there are now. Fancy the secret meetings between the perjuring husband and wife, the denials of having seen each other, the clambering in at bedroom windows, and the hiding in closets! There’d be little cooling then. Thomas Hardy, Jude the Obscure
Such an act
That blurs the grace and blush of modesty;
Calls virtue hypocrite; takes off the rose
From the fair forehead of an innocent love,
And sets a blister there; makes marriage-vows
As false as dicers’ oath. William Shakespeare, Hamlet III iv 42-46, Hamlet
Nay, but to live
In the rank sweat of an enseamed bed.
Stewed in corruption, honeying and making love
Over the nasty sty. ibid. III iv 91-94, Hamlet to Mother
What is it that they do
When they change us for others? Is it sport?
I think it is. And doth affection breed it?
I think it doth. William Shakespeare, Othello IV iii @93, Emilia
And have not we affections,
Desires for sport, and frailty, as men have? ibid. IV iii 99-100
Empty shabby demeaning affairs – they’re what made my life worth living. Rab C Nesbitt: Cuts, Jamesie to Rab, BBC 2011
And here’s to you, Mrs Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know … Paul Simon, Mrs Robinson, 1967 song
Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to begin our descent into Los Angeles. The Graduate 1967 ***** starring Dustin Hoffman & Anne Brancroft & Katherine Ross & William Daniels & Murray Hamilton & Elizabeth Wilson & Buck Henry & Walter Brooke & Brian Avery & Norman Fell & Marion Lorne et al, director Mike Nichols, opening scene on plane
Would you like me to seduce you? ibid. Mrs Robinson
Sow a few wild oats. Take things as they come. ibid. Mr Robinson
Why don’t you watch? ibid. Mrs Robinson
I think you are filth. I think you are scum. You are degenerate! ibid. Mr Robinson
Statistically speaking, there is a 65% chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious. Scott Dikkers, You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day
Candidate Kane Caught In Love Nest With Singer. Citizen Kane 1941 starring Orson Welles & Joseph Cotten & Everett Sloane & Dorothy Comingore & Agnes Moorehead & Ruth Warrick & Ray Collins & William Alland & Paul Stewart et al, director Orson Welles, The Daily Chronicle
Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man’s wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him,
And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner;
And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled:
Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon; for it is an offering of jealousy, an offering of memorial, bringing iniquity to remembrance. Numbers 5:12-15