Clearly Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin. Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan A – Captain Cook, Blackadder to Baldrick, BBC 1989
Ah, would this brilliant plan involve us climbing out of our trenches and walking very slowly towards the enemy, sir? ibid. Blackadder to Melchett & Darling
Doing precisely what we’ve done eighteen times before is exactly the last thing they’ll expect us to do this time. ibid. Melchett to Blackadder
Looking forward to bullying off for the final chukka? ibid. Melchett to Baldrick
Melchett to Baldrick: Don’t worry, my boy. If you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you.
Blackadder: About thirty-five miles behind you. ibid.
Tell me, have you ever visited the planet Earth, sir? ibid. Blackadder to Melchett
When are we going to give Fritz a taste of our British spunk? Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan B – Corporal Punishment, George to Blackadder
Baldrick: It’s got a little ring round its neck. There’s a novelty.
George: Oh really. Is there a paper hat as well?
Baldrick: No, but there’s a joke. ibid.
I sent our top bird. Speckled Jim. My own true love who’s been with me since I was a nipper. ibid. Melchett to Blackadder
You shot my speckled Jim! ibid.
The case before us is that of the Crown v Captain Edmund Blackadder, the Flanders Pigeon Murderer! ibid. Melchett
Yes I can hear you perfectly. What what. You want two volunteers for a mission into no-man’s land codename Operation Certain Death? ibid. Darling
I find his [Charlie Chaplin] films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and then discovering there’s a gas bill tied to it. Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan C – Major Star
He certainly is a genius, George. He invented a way of getting paid a million dollars a year for wearing a pair of stupid trousers. ibid.
And you mustn’t do that to me, sir. ’Cause that is a bourgeois act of repression, sir. Haven’t you smelt it, sir? There’s something afoot in the wind. The huddled masses yearning to be free. No, sir, I’ve been supping the wind of freedom. ibid. Baldrick to Blackadder
The Russians have risen up and shot all their nobs. ibid.
And they’ve overthrown Nicholas II who used to be bizarre. ibid.
Captain Blackadder, this is Bob. ibid.
Bob, I want you to bunk up with Captain Blackadder for a couple of days. All right? I think you’ll find Bob just the man for this job, Blackadder. He has a splendid sense of humour ... Play a game of cribbage, have a smoke something like that. They tell me Captain Blackadder has quite a good line in rough shag; I’m sure he’ll be happy to fill your pipe. Carry on. ibid. Melchett
I want to do my bit for the boys. ibid. Bob to Blackadder
Congrats. Stop. Have discovered only person in the world less funny than you. Name: Baldrick. Yours E Blackadder. Stop. P.S. Please please please stop. ibid. ibid. Blackadder to Bob
Captain Blackadder, I should esteem it a single honour if you would allow me to escort your leading lady to the regimental ball this evening. The fair Georgina. ibid. Melchett
I’m sure she’s a girl with a great deal more spunk than most women you can find. ibid.
I want to make you happy, darling. I want to build a nest for your ten tiny toes. ibid. Melchett to mirror, with Darling
You are a steaming pile of horse manure. A triumph? The Three Twirps were one Twirp short – again! ... Worst of all – the crowing turd in the water pipe – the revolting drag act at the end. Yes, poor Bob Parker being made to look an arse. ibid. Melchett to Blackadder
We’ve received a telegraph from Mr Chaplin himself at Senate Studios: twice nightly screening of my film in trenches good idea. But must insist E Blackadder be projectionist. P.S. Don’t let him ever stop. ibid. Darling to Blackadder
The first thing to remember is always treat your kite like you treat your woman. No, get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back. Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan D – Private Plane, Flashheart to trainees
How unlucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us it is a mundane and functional item; for you the basis of an entire culture. ibid. Baron to Baldrick and Blackadder
For us the great war is finito – a war that would be a damn sight simpler if we’d have just stayed in England and shot fifty thousand of our men a week. No more mud, death, rats, bombs, shrapnel, whiz-bangs, barbed wire and those bloody awful songs that have the word Woops in the title. ibid. Blackadder to Baldrick
I lost closer friends than darling Georgie the last time I was deloused. Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan E – General Hospital, Blackadder to Nurse, with George & Baldrick
Our battles are directed, sir? Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everyone’s dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise Alan? ibid. Blackadder to Melchett
If you come back with information, Captain Darling will pump you thoroughly in the debriefing room. ibid. Melchett to Blackadder
God, I love nurses. They’re so disgustingly clinical. ibid. Blackadder to Nurse
Well, George, I strongly suspect that your long wait for certain death is nearly at an end. Blackadder Goes Forth: Plan F – Goodbyeee
Gentlemen, our long wait is nearly at an end. Tomorrow morning General Insanity Melchett invites you to a mass slaughter – we’re going over the top. ibid. Blackadder to Baldrick & George
And there we were off to hammer the Bosh. Crashingly superb bunch of blokes, fine, clean-limbed, even their acne had a strange nobility about it. ibid. George to Blackadder
It was too much effort not to have a war. ibid. Blackadder to George & Baldrick
You’ve only got to look at him to see he’s as sane as I am. Baaah! ibid. Melchett to Blackadder, with Darling & Baldrick
Now then, soldier, are you looking forward to giving those Frenchies a damned good licking? ibid. Melchett to Baldrick
Hear the words I sing –
War’s a horrid thing.
So I sing sing sing
Ding-a-ling-a-ling. ibid. Baldrick’s war poem
I have a cunning plan, sir. ibid. Baldrick to Blackadder
Turnip Street workhouse pals – was great I’ll never forget it. It’s the first time I felt really popular. Everyone was cheering and throwing flowers ... All we had to do was bayonet sacks of straw ... All me friends are dead. ibid. Baldrick’s reminiscence
Why can’t we just stop, sir? Why can’t we just say no more killing; let’s all go home. Why would it be stupid just to pack it in, sir, why? ibid.
George: I mean we’ve had some good times. We’ve had some damnably good laughs, eh.
Blackadder: Yes, can’t think of any specific ones. ibid.
D’you know, over these last few years I’ve come to think of you as a sort of son. Not a favourite son of course. Lord, no. More a sort of illegitimate back-stairs sprog. Sort of spotty squit that nobody really likes. ibid. Melchett to Darling
Who would have noticed another madman around here? ibid. Blackadder to Baldrick
Well he’s bound to have changed. Aces High 1977 starring Christopher Plummer & Malcolm McDowell & Simon Ward & Peter Firth & David Wood & John Gielgud & Trevor Howard & Richard Johnson & Ray Milland & Christopher Blake & David Daker et al, director Jack Gold, Plummer
He wasn’t my house captain; he was my friend. ibid. McDowell
The 1919 treaty that ended the First World War had 440 clauses. 414 were devoted to punishing Germany. Third Reich: The Rise I, History 2010
The European War, which began in 1914, is now generally recognized to have been a war between two rival empires, an old one and a new, the new becoming such a successful rival of the old, commercially and militarily, that the world-stage was, or was thought to be, not large enough for both. Germany spoke frankly of her need for expansion, and for new fields of enterprise for her surplus population. England, who likes to fight under a high-sounding title, got her opportunity in the invasion of Belgium. She was entering the war ‘in defense of the freedom of small nationalities’. America at first looked on, but she accepted the motive in good faith, and she ultimately joined in as the champion of the weak against the strong ...