The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth – pickle-jar chin, mainsail ears and a nose like a trigonometry problem. What’s more, she had the deep frown and snit wrinkles that come from a lifetime of bad character. P J O’Rourke, Holidays in Hell
Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable soddingrotters, the flaming sods, the snivelling, dribbling, dithering, palsied, pulse-less lot that make up England today. They’ve got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery it’s a marvel they can breed. D H Lawrence, 1912
Germans are flummoxed by humour, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car. Bill Bryson
Americans are possibly the dumbest people on the planet ... We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don’t know about anything that’s happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing. Michael Moore
‘You’re a jerk,’ repeated the alien, ‘a complete asshole.’ Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything
This insult may plunge our two countries into war. Duck Soup 1933 starring Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx & Chico Marx & Zeppo Marx & Margaret Dumont & Louis Calhern & Raquel Torres & Edgar Kennedy & Edmund Breese & Edwin Maxwell et al, director Leo McCarey
When Kenny G decided that it was appropriate for him to defile the music of the man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that has ever lived by spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, fucked up playing all over one of the great Louis’ tracks (even one of his lesser ones), he did something that I would not have imagined possible. Pat Metheny, re Kenny G’s overdubbing of Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World
A known antichrist. Burial church records of Friedrich Nietzsche
I think you are filth. I think you are scum. You are degenerate! The Graduate 1967 ***** starring Dustin Hoffman & Anne Brancroft & Katherine Ross & William Daniels & Murray Hamilton & Elizabeth Wilson & Buck Henry & Walter Brooke & Brian Avery & Norman Fell & Marion Lorne et al, director Mike Nichols, Mr Robinson
There is nothing that people bear more impatiently, or forgive less, than contempt: and an injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult. Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield
Your mother was a dumb whore with a fat arse! Did you know that? [Lancel dithers, then pulls off the breastplate as Robert turns to Ned] Look at this idiot – one ball, and no brains! He can’t even put a man’s armor on him properly! Game of Thrones s1e5: The Wolf and the Lion s1e5, Robert Baratheon, HBO 2011
A racist anti-Semitic boor, a drink-sodden self-hating reviler of women, gays and liberals. Terry Eagleton, literary critic, re Kingsley Amis
‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. J K Rowling
You squirrel-faced cunt. Boardwalk Empire s5e6: Devil You Know, bloke in bar to Nucky, HBO 2014
You lousy dog! Show us where you are! You coward! A Taste of Killing 1966 starring Craig Hill & George Martin & Peter Carter & Diana Martin & Frank Ressel & Rada Rassimov & Graham Sooty & George Wang & Jose Marco & Manuel Martin et al, director Tonino Valerii head gangsta to white pot-shotter
A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me. Frederick Douglass
That living opprobrium of humanity, the infamous scavenger of all the filth trodden by all the revilers of Christianity. The General Advertiser, re Thomas Paine
Do you really imagine even in your wildest dreams that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an ageing Brilliantine stick-insect like you? Fawlty Towers s2e2: The Psychiatrist, Sybil, BBC 1979
I’m fed up with you, you rancorous coiffured old sow. ibid. Basil to Sybil
Various people have explained why Henry Kissinger is a bad choice to run an investigation into what went wrong on September 11th. He’s a liar. He’s an apologist for corrupt regimes. Timothy Noah
We have been forced to listen to the testimony of Mr Norma Syngen Scott. A scrounger, parasite, pervert, a worm, a self-confessed player of the pink oboe ... He is as we know a man with a criminal past. But not a criminal future ho ho ho ... A piece of excrement, unable to carry out a simple murder plot without cocking the whole thing up. Peter Cook, Secret Policeman’s Ball 1989
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. Leo Tolstoy
The impenetrable stupidity of Prince George (son-in-law of James II) served his turn. It was his habit, when any news was told him, to exclaim, ‘Est il possible?’ – ‘Is it possible?’ Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay, History of England I:IX
Anyone who’d lay a finger on you would deserve a medal. You’d need a sack over your head before anyone could take you on. A Kind of Loving 1962 starring Alan Bates & Thora Hird & June Ritchie & Bert Palmer & Pat Keen & James Bolam & Jack Smethurst & Gwen Nelson & John Ronane & David Mahlowe & Patsy Rowlands & Michael Deacon & Leonard Rossiter et al, director Joseph Schlesinger, him to her friend
‘Donald Trump is a phony, a fraud.’ President Trump: Can He Really Win? Channel 4 2016, Mitt Romney
Ben Elton: do you know this guy? He started out as an alternative comedian, railing against Thatcherism and the like, and now earns a fortune writing the librettos for truly awful West End musicals. I mean, his name has become a byword for shameless hackery. He’s the biggest sell-out of his generation. Toby Young
Fuck You Read This Rockefeller. Graffiti on Georgia Guidestones
Fuck The New World Order. Graffiti on Georgia Guidestones
Stick your cock up her ass, you motherfucking worthless cocksucker. The Exorcist 1973 starring Ellen Burstyn & Max von Sydow & Jason Miller & Linda Blair & Lee J Cobb & Mercedes McCambridge & Kitty Winn & Jack MacGowran & Father William O'Malley & Robert Symonds & Barton Heyman & Arthur Storch & Titos Vandis & Eileen Dietz et al, director William Friedkin, possessed child to senior exorcist
A lightweight. I don’t like his political morals and how he’s been enriching himself since leaving office. He preaches high moral language but … I have a visceral contempt for Blair. Not dislike. Just contempt. Zbigniew Brzezinski, 13th January 2012
You fuck. You fucker. My betroved. You’re nothing but a pestilence. An uphill gardener with a weak chin. You’re a filthifizing thief. Dom Hemingway 2013 starring Jude Law & Richard E Grant & Demian Bichir & Emilia Clarke & Kerry Condon & Jumayn Hunter & Madalina Diana Ghenea & Nathan Stewart-Jarrett et al, director Richard Shepard
How dare you take your leave of me, Billy Turner! You insult me as you have always insulted me! Billy! Mr Turner 2014 starring Timothy Spall & Dorothy Atkinson & Marion Bailey & Paul Jesson & Lesley Manville & Martin Savage & Ruth Sheen & Karl Johnson & Sandy Foster & Amy Dawson et al, director Mike Leigh, mother of children
Your mother drinks Bud! La Haine 1995 starring Vincent Cassel & Hubert Kounde & said Taghmaoui & Marc Duret & Abdel Ahmed Ghili & Francois Levantal & Tadek Lokcinski & Solo & Heloise Rauth & Choukri Gabteni & Benoit Magimel et al, director Mathieu Kassovitz, gangster insult to evicting official
She told me a lot like what a prissy little whiner you are who can’t get it up. Wild Card 2015 starring Jason Statham & Michael Angarano & Milo Ventimiglia & Dominik Garcia-Lorido & Anne Heche & Sofia Vergar & Max Casella & Jason Alexander et al, director Simon West, Nick to Osgood
You have the charisma of a damp rag, and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk. And the question that I want to ask, that we’re all going to ask is, Who are you? I’d never heard of you. Nobody in Europe had ever heard of you. I would like to ask you, President, who voted for you, and what mechanism? … oh, I know democracy’s not popular with you lot, and what mechanism do the people of Europe have to remove you? Is this European democracy? Nigel Farage, re Herman van Rompuy
Shaw’s plays are the price we pay for Shaw’s prefaces. James Agate, 1877-1947, British drama critic & novelist