Blackadder II TV - Henry VIII: Mind of a Tyrant TV - Henry VII: Bloodlust & the Boleyns - Henry VIII: Endgame TV - Mankind: The Story of All of Us TV - Days that Shook the World (II) TV - Tristram Hunt TV - David Starkey TV - Thomas Jordan - Tony Benn - Jeremy Black: The English Civil War TV - Charles I - Oliver Cromwell - Peter Gaunt - Richard Holmes: Great Britons TV - John Lambert - Roundhead or Cavalier: Which One Are You? TV - Lisa Hilton TV - Adam Nicholson TV - Justin Champion - Lucy Worsley TV - Clare Jackson TV - The Last Days of Guy Fawkes TV - Suzy Klein TV - Thomas Paine - Amanda Vickery - A N Wilson - Rude Britannia TV - The Real King & Queen TV - Blackadder III TV - Robert Hardman TV - Royal Bastards: Rise of the Tudors TV -
I must look to my own dear tiny darlings to sustain me in my frailties. Yes, Kate, I want you to become a prostitute. Blackadder II: Bells, father to daughter, BBC 1986
Not at all, Bob. I look forward to having you. ibid. Blackadder
I can strongly recommend a course of leeches. ibid. Doctor to Blackadder
Very well then, three other paths are open to you ... Kill Bob ... Kill yourself ... Kill everybody in the whole world. ibid. old crone
And, Melchie, still worshipping God? Last thing I heard he started worshipping me. ibid. Lord Flashheart to Melchett
The bad news is that actually there are simply hundreds of Catholics who desperately want their heads sneaked off and there’s no-one to organise it. Blackadder II: Head, Elizabeth to Blackadder
Right then let’s take a look shall we – who’s first in the head basket? ibid. Blackadder to Percy
Right, good morning, team, my name is Edward Blackadder and I’m the new minister in charge of religious genocide. ibid. Blackadder
Ointment, that’s what you need when your head’s been cut off. ibid. Nursie
As private parts to the gods are we; they play with us for their sport. Blackadder II: Chains, Melchett to Blackadder in dungeon
Yes, I was one of his sheep. ibid. Ludvig to Melchett
Life – overrated I reckon. ibid. Blackadder to Melchett
Oh what joy. See how you collapse before me, you great incorruptible English knobs. So proud of your great big stiff upper lips. ibid. Ludvig to Blackadder & Melchett
Ah, Queen Elizabeth, we meet again. ibid. Ludvig
Madam, life without you is like a broken pencil. Pointless. ibid. Blackadder to Elizabeth
Percy, the return of Sir Walter – ‘Ooh what a big ship I’ve got’ – Raleigh is a matter of supreme indifference to me. Blackadder II: Potato, Blackadder
To you it’s a potato; to me it’s a potato. But to Sir Walter bloody Raleigh it’s a country estate, five carriages and as many girls as his tongue can cope with. He’s making a fortune out of the things: people are smoking them, building houses out of them, they’ll be eating them next. ibid. Blackadder
So where’s this barnacle-bottomed haddock-flavoured bilge rat Sir rather a wally Raleigh then? ibid. Blackadder to Elizabeth, with Melchett and Nursie
You see, Baldrick, when I was a baby I was savaged by a turbot. ibid. Percy to Baldrick
Is Captain Rum joining us for this bring a sample party? ibid. Blackadder to Percy, with Baldrick
I am the baby-eating Bishop of Bath & Wells! Blackadder II: Money, Bishop to Blackadder
Our motto is repayment or revenge ... I will have my money by evensong tonight or your bottom will wish it had never been born. ibid.
I consider myself one of England’s finest liars. ibid. Blackadder to Percy, with Baldrick
My father blew it all on wine, women and amateur dramatics. ibid.
Baldrick, are you suggesting that I become a rent boy? ibid. Blackadder
A chat with you and somehow death loses its sting. ibid. Blackadder to Baldrick
You think there’s a market for jewellery that looks like snot then? ibid. Blackadder to Percy
No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. ibid. Bishop of Bath & Wells to Blackadder, with Baldrick
You fiend. Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity. Have you ever considered a career in the church? ibid.
We are having two parties here tonight. And they must be kept completely separate. Firstly, a total piss-up involving beer throwing, broken furniture and wall to wall vomiting ... Percy will join me in here for the gourmet turnip evening. Blackadder II: Beer, Blackadder to Baldrick & Percy
Chairs are an invention of Satan. In our house Nathaniel sits on a spike. I sit on Nathaniel. Two spikes would be an extravagance. ibid. Aunt to Blackadder et al
I’ll say one thing for Catholics – they do have natural rhythm. ibid. Percy to Aunt and Nathaniel
You might think you know everything there is to know about Henry VIII. You’ll know he married six times and had two of his wives executed. But the truth about our most famous King is much more complex and far more compelling. Henry VIII: Rise of a Tyrant aka Henry VIII: Man, Monarch, Monster, Channel 5 2020
‘He jousts, he rides, he sings – what more could you want from this perfect prince?’ ibid. Lauren Johnson
Henry VIII is born on 28 June 1491 but he is never meant to be King in the first place. He is the spare heir living in the shadow of his older brother King Arthur. ibid.
‘Henry later in life has this urge to prove himself all the time, to show that he can be a success, even at his most successful, and there’s something that must relate there to his childhood.’ ibid. Dr John Guy, Cambridge University
As the second son Henry is ignored by his father, and instead raised by his loving mother in the protective female world of Eltham Palace. ibid.
Everything changes for Henry when he becomes next in line for the throne. He is now brought up directly by his controlling father after years of being sidelined. ibid.
‘When Henry VII dies there is essentially a court coup. His death is kept a secret for the best part of two days while in the background they decide how to bring on this new regime with a splash.’ ibid. John Guy
Henry issues a groundbreaking piece of legislation: a general pardon. This extraordinary document sees Henry explicitly criticise his father’s reign. ibid.
But Henry’s happiness is short-lived. His newborn son dies at just seven weeks old. ibid.
To bolster his authority, he enlists the talents of a cardinal who has rapidly risen through the ranks at court. ibid.
Henry’s weakness for flattery and manipulation allows Cardinal Wolsey to rise to the highest echelons of court. But in a few short years Henry will turn on his close friend and adviser with a vengeance. ibid.
Henry VIII is worrying over the future of the Tudor dynasty. He still doesn’t have a male heir and he’s surrounded by potential rivals to the throne. ibid.
But with such a debouched entourage, Henry’s palaces turn into houses of pleasure. ibid.
Henry banishes Cardinal Wolsey for his failure to secure a divorce from Catherine of Aragon. Once the King’s most powerful subject, Wolsey is stripped of his post as Lord Chancellor and his property seized. ibid.
To unravel a murky world of power, plots and petrifying ambition. Henry VIII: Bloodlust & the Boleyns, Channel 5 2010
He is becoming increasingly anxious about the future of his dynasty. He has banished Catherine from court and he is embroiled with an attempt to divorce her and marry his long-term mistress Anne Boleyn. ibid.
His old friend Thomas More – Henry locks him in the Tower of London because More refuses to endorse his religious reforms. ibid.
A freak accident is about to alter the future of his kingdom and the fate of his second wife. ibid.
Beneath the royal clothing is a King who is far more vulnerable than he looks. ibid.