Radio and television … have succeeded in lifting the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry. Nathalie Sarraute, Times Literary Supplement 10th June 1960
We journey back to an era when everything seemed frankly baffling. The Best of Bad TV I: The 70s, Channel 5 2017
Doomwatch … Tomorrow’s World: the future was very orange … The Two Ronnies’ Black and White Minstrels sketch … Boomph with Becker … The Persuaders: one gloriously vacuous series … Jason King: author turned crime fighter … Sale of the Century … Nationwide … Blue Peter: Brownies’ camp fire sets alight studio … Play School … Rainbow … Junior Showtime … England v Poland … World of Sport: artistic cycling … The Indoor League … Why Don’t You? ... Pipkins … Lonely Water … New Year’s Eve at the Golden Garter … Eurovision Song Contest … Wheeltappers & Shunters Social Club … In Concert: Pam’s People … Public Information Film: The Shiny Floor … Open Door … Don’t Ask Me inc David Bellamy … Doctor Who: Invasion of the Dinosaurs … Till Death Us to Part inc Spike Milligan’s Indian sketch … It Ain’t ’Alf Hot Mum … Crossroads Motel … Churchill’s People … Seaside Special … Cher … The Ann- Margret Show … I Claudius … Fanny Cradock & The Big Time … Today inc The Sex Pistols … The Feathered Serpent … Star Maidens … Paul Daniels … The Professionals … Good Morning Calendar … The Black and White Minstrel Show … Arthur Mullard & Hilda Baker … The World Disco Dance Championships … Blake’s 7 … 3-2-1: ‘You have rejected this marvellous prize of a greyhound’ … Sapphire and Steel … Jigsaw … ibid.
A celebration of those moment when events on the small screen went wrong in the most spectacular way possible. The 80s: The Best of Bad TV, Channel 5 2015
Miss Yorkshire Television 1980 ... Legs & Co replaced Pam’s People ... Grace Jones & Russell Harty ... 1981 Triangle was very slow ... 1982: Channel 4 e.g. Sin on Saturday [one deadly sin each week – pulled after three sins] ... Mini-Pops [sexualised children sing cover versions] ... 1984: a new breed of TV comedians ... Bottle Boys [sexist and racist milkmen] ... ‘Rusty Lee would laugh at almost anything’ ... 1985 Des O’Connor Tonight ... 1986 Pebble Mill at One ... 1986 Champs-Elysees [Whitney propositioned on live French TV] ... Michael Fish’s weather forecast ... 1987 Hardwicke House [violent pupils and paedo head – pulled after two episodes] ... 1988 Delia’s cookery course cf. Keith Floyd ... 1988 The Hitman and Her [early pop-house dance show] ... 1989 The Brits: Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood ... UP2U: Anthea Turner ... One Hour With Jonathan Ross ... The Late Show [Keith Allen wobbly] ... Channel 4: Club X [yoof TV] ... ibid.
This is the 1990s seen through the shocking filter of TV gone wrong ... The Best of Bad TV II
Heil Honey I’m Home [Hitler sitcom] ... After Dark [late-night talk-show] ... Smash Hits Poll Winners Party ... Eldorado [BBC sitcom in Spain 1992] ... Ghostwatch [Michael Parkinson] ... The British Comedy Awards ... Richard Littlejohn Live & Uncut ... Catchphrase ... Gaytime TV ... Canary Wharf [Kelvin Mackenzie] ... Live TV [smut] inc. Topless Darts & News Bunny ... The Girlie Show [patronising rubbish] ... Pebble Mill ... The Time The Place [pointless studio debate] ... Gamesmaster [video game review] ... Eurotrash ... Changing Rooms ... Something for the Weekend … ibid.
The Naughties and very best of bad TV ... Reality TV staged a bloody coup ... Big Brother: George Galloway ... Touch the Truck ... David Blaine silent interview ... Top Gear ... Sam Fox & The Club ... The Talent Show ... Rebecca Loos on farm ... Balls of Steel & Tom Cruise ... Torture King ... 24 Hours with Bobby Brown ... Russell Brand ... Harry Enfield’s racism ... The Weakest Link ... I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here ... The Best of Bad TV: The 00s, Channel 5 2015
British TV can be like a desperate office joker: he’ll do anything for a laugh, even if it makes an arse of itself. The Best of Bad TV: When Comedy Shows Go Wrong, My5 2017
The Big Send Up: In the autumn of 1977 viewers of ITV found themselves confronted by this bewilderingly unfunny TV special … The Comedians: blokes telling jokes: it was no joke … The Two Ronnies’ black and white minstrels … Wheeltappers and Shunters’ Social Club ... Mind Your Language … Till Death Us Do Part … It Ain’t Half Hot Mum … Tiswas/OTT … Bottle Boys … Ann Diamond & TVAM & Faith Brown … Hardwicke House (2 episodes) … Des O’Connor Tonight … Heil Honey I’m Home (BSB/Galaxy 1 episode) … The Time The Place … Ant and Dec’s Geordie Christmas … Harry & Paul (northern stereotype) … Balls of Steel (Channel 4) … Never Mind the Buzzcocks … ibid.
Russell Harty was a huge star on British television in the ’70s and ’80s. The Unforgettable Russell Harty, ITV 2012
Richard Whiteley was one of his pupils. ibid.
Russell stepped out into the world of light entertainment. ibid.
Russell moved from BBC2 to BBC1. ibid.
Pat Phoenix was Britain’s first queen of the soaps. Known throughout the nation as Elsie Tanner. She played her character in Coronation Street for twenty-one years. The Unforgettable Pat Phoenix
The first episode of Coronation Street was broadcast live in September 1960. ibid.
After three years Pat returned to Coronation Street alone. ibid.
In 1983 Pat published her autobiography and announced she was leaving Coronation Street for good. ibid.
In March 1986 Pat discovered she had cancer. ibid.
In the 1960s and ’70s, 18 million viewers checked into the Crossroads Motel every weekday teatime to follow the life of series matriarch Meg Mortimer played by Noele Gordon. The Unforgettable Noele Gordon
The married theatrical impresario Val Parnell, twenty-nine years her senior, Noele had a long-term affair with him which started when she was just nineteen. ibid.
It [Crossroads] didn’t enjoy critical success. ibid.
The end when it came was every bit as dramatic as the sacking itself. ibid.
Crossroads ran for a further seven years without Noele Gordon. ibid.
Her theatrical career went from strength to strength. ibid.
Noele Gordon died on 14th April 1985. ibid.
Gordon Jackson was born in 1923 in Glasgow, the youngest of six children. Young Gordon’s talents were spotted while he was still at school. The Unforgettable Gordon Jackson
He was chosen by Ealing film studios to star in a wartime propaganda film. Finding himself in demand as an actor Gordon quit his apprenticeship to star in a succession of movies. ibid.
After Flood Tide came a key role in the Ealing comedy Whisky Galore. ibid.
Starring in the 1965 thriller The Ipcress File. ibid.
After Hamlet, Gordon cemented his reputation by starring in The Pride of Miss Jean Brodie opposite Maggie Smith. ibid.
A new television costume drama ... Upstairs Downstairs ran for five years and its huge success made it a popular target for parody. ibid.
Two years after Upstairs Downstairs ended, Gordon took the role of George Cowley ... in The Professionals. ibid.
Gordon Jackson died of cancer on January 15th 1990 aged 66. ibid.
To millions around the world John Thaw was the curmudgeonly Inspector Morse. To others he was The Sweeney’s tough-talking John Regan. To others still a sensation of the stage … The viewer’s choice of actor. The Unforgettable John Thaw
John was offered a place at RADA. ibid.
His theatre work led to a series of television plays. ibid.
ITV’s new gritty military police drama Redcap. ibid.
The Sweeney blazed a trail for TV cop shows. ibid.
Seasons at the Royal Shakespeare Company in Henry VIII and Twelfth Night won John great acclaim. While sitcom Home to Roost proved another great hit. ibid.
Inspector Morse set the bar for detective drama. ibid.
In the early ’30s Hughie’s Green’s Gang became one of the popular revue shows in the land. The Unforgettable Hughie Green
Hughie developed a talent show for BBC radio called Opportunity Knocks. But after a short run it was dropped. ibid.
The adoration of female fans Hughie found hard to resist. Hughie’s philandering became too much for his wife Claire and in 1961 they separated. ibid.
He used the show as a platform to air his views on the state of the nation. ibid.
[gentle musical strains] Thank you. Well friends, friends, it is the end of the show. Tomorrow is the end of the year. Let us work with all our might to see that 1975, with the gathering storm of despair ahead, will not be the end of our country. Let us altogether say in 1975 both to the nation, to each other, and to ourselves – for God sake, Britain, wake up! [trumpets] Hughie Green, Opportunity Knocks