It may almost be a question whether such wisdom as many of us have in our mature years has not come from the dying out of the power of temptation, rather than as the results of thought and resolution. Anthony Trollope, The Small House at Allington, 1864
Here he is. Come up and see me? Come up and see me, ain’t cha? Yeah I noticed that. Here, is it cold outside? I can tell it’s cold outside cause it’s cold in here, see ... Put a couple of bars on that fire if you like, darling. I don’t mind. Go on ... Ain’t it hot? I’m roasting! Oooh I can’t breathe in here ’cause it’s so warm. I’ll have to take a couple of these tights off. The Catherine Tate Show s1e1, Nan, BBC 2004
Here, she was home here today, weren’t she – Home Help ... She’s from somewhere, ain’t she ... What is it? Czechoslovakia? ... I don’t like her and that’s it. I said, ‘Look darling, I’m not being funny, I don’t mean nothing by it, but I don’t want you coming up here any more if you don’t mind ... Because you’re a fucking thief.’ ibid.
You can usually smell them. Can’t you? The Catherine Tate Show s1e2
Oh here he is. Oh, you come up and see me? You come up and see me, ain’t ya? Oh you are a good boy. You want something to eat? What d’you want? A sandwich? Well have a quick sandwich then, eh. Well you’ve got to have something ain’t ya, eh? A cup of tea at least. What? Oh I ain’t got time for coffees. Now come on, clear all that lot up. I’m expecting company. It’s Thursday innit – Meals on Wheels. Oh well that’s where you’re wrong, see. ’Cause I got meself a new chap ain’t I. Got meself a new chap bring up me dinners. Don’t talk to me about that dirty thieving bastard. I got rid of her. Oh! I got meself a new chap. Oh you want to see him. Lovely head of hair he’s got. He’s called Gavin. And he’s better than that thieving shithouse that was robbing me blind. Here. That’ll be him now. Course I’ve given him a key to me flat. Who do you think he is – Harry fucking Houdini? Achachach! Have a look. Yeah lovely. Oh you are a good boy coming up all this way. Yeah, he’s very short. Yeah he’s got glasses but he won’t wear them ... I’ve got a nice bit of salmon in that fridge ... You’d think a boy his age would be interested in girls ... Make us a cup of tea. We’re gasping ... Oh you are a good boy ... What a smashing fella. We do have a laugh. The Catherine Tate Show s1e4
And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died. Genesis 5:27
Yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years. Genesis 6:3
And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years: and he died. Genesis 9:29
Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women. Genesis 18:11
With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding. Job 12:12
Great men are not always wise: neither do the aged understand judgment. Job 32:9
Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalms 71:9
Now also when I am old and greyheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come. Psalms 71:18
Miss not the discourse of the elders. Ecclesiasticus 8:9
When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. Victor Hugo
Age does take it out of you, and I haven’t the energy I had before. Sometimes I have breakfast and sit in this chair, and I wake up and it is lunchtime. In the past, the idea of sleeping through a morning would have horrified me, but you have to accept the limitations that old age imposes on you. Tony Benn
Old age is no place for sissies. Bette Davis
Old age comes on suddenly, and not gradually as is thought. Emily Dickinson
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. George Burns
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. George Burns
Growing old has been the greatest surprise of my life. Billy Graham
Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance. David Mamet
I’m enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It’s just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology. Roseanne Barr
The hideous old man seemed like some loathsome reptile engendered in the slime and darkness through which he moved, crawling forth by night in search of some rich offal for a meal. Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist
One by one they were all becoming shades. Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age. James Joyce, Dubliners: The Dead
I have lived long enough to satisfy both nature and glory. Julius Caesar
Meet Britain’s most outrageous pensioners. Old enough to know better – they don’t give a stuff. They’re busy flashing their pants, making it large, or on the prowl for toy boys. Party Pensioners: Sex, Drugs & Bingo, Channel 5 2016
‘I probably could be as famous as Beyoncé.’ ibid.
Two years after my mother died, my father fell in love with a glamorous blonde Ukrainian divorcée. He was eighty-four and she was thirty-six. She exploded into our lives like a fluffy pink grenade, churning up the murky water, bringing to the surface a sludge of sloughed-off memories, giving the family ghosts a kick up the backside. Marina Kewycka, A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian
This is the day room where they’re all sort of … active. Derek: Pilot episode, Channel 4 2012, Derek’s opening line
There’s been loads of famous people here giving us stuff. ibid. Dougie
I like old people. They’re kind. ibid. Derek
Get some skips in – clear the fucking lot out. ibid. Dougie
What would win out of a suicide bomber and a shark? ibid. Derek
It’s more important to be kind than clever or good looking. ibid.
I loves it here. It’s brilliant. All my favourist people are here. Derek s1e1, Derek, 2013
It costs what it costs. ibid. Hannah
These housewives – how bored are they? ibid. Kev
I’ve just shat meself. Meeting’s over. Derek s1e2, Kev
There’s definitely nuffin’ to nick here. And it smells funny as well. ibid.
Why have you got a haircut like a paedophile? ibid.
Hannah: What do you read?
Victoria: Twitter. ibid.
Fifty’s the new forty. ibid. old bloke
When you’re their age, are you really going to start reading books? You might not get through it. ibid. Dougie
Emergency, everyone. Look. Found a baby bird. Hannah, found a baby bird. Fallen out of its nest so it’s all weak and everything. Call the RSPCA ... Call Rolf Harris. Call Oddie. Derek s1e3, Derek
I don’t even give to jumble sales. Or charity shops. They just burn it, don’t they? Stops the pikies getting hold of it. ibid. Shelley
He’s overexcited today. Been on a day trip. Derek s1e4, Dougie, re Derek
I’d better crack on – those urinals are not going to clean themselves. ibid. Hannah
She [Rebecca, schoolfriend] hasn’t changed a bit – she always was a cunt. ibid.