A blow on the head like that is worth two in the bush. ibid. Basil to two old ladies in lobby
Trespassers will be tied up with piano wire. ibid. Basil to Germans in lobby
And no need at all to mention the war. Sorry sorry. ibid. Basil to Germans in restaurant
Don’t mention the war. I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it all right. ibid. Basil to Polly
Here. Watch. Who’s this then? ... I’ll do the funny walk. ibid. Basil to Germans in restaurant
No, you hit him on the head. You naughty moose. ibid. Major
A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed. FAWLTY TOWER [crooked L] Fawlty Towers s2e1: Communication Problems, Basil to Sybil, BBC 1979
That is Torquay, madam. Well may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically … ibid. Basil to Mrs Richards
Happy? Yes I remember that. ibid. Basil to Sybil
And Harry says, Pretentious? Moi? WATERY FOWLS. Fawlty Towers s2e2: The Psychiatrist, guest to Sybil
Fawlty, here here. I thought you ought to know there’s a psychiatrist in the hotel. Oh you know? Well apparently he’s dressed up as a guest. Well your guess is as good as mine. ibid. Major to Basil
Crazy. She go crazy. Crazy. I say to her, You try to see in girl’s room and she go crazy. ibid. Manuel to Basil
There’s enough material there for an entire conference. ibid. Shrink to Shrink
Do you really imagine even in your wildest dreams that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an ageing Brilliantine stick-insect like you? ibid. Sybil to Basil
I’m fed up with you, you rancorous coiffured old sow. ibid. Basil to Sybil
What the hell’s wrong with this country? You can’t get a drink after three, you can’t eat after nine – is the War still on? FLAY OTTERS. Fawlty Towers s2e3: Waldorf Salad, American guest to Basil
Guest: Could you make me a Waldorf salad? Waldorf salad.
Basil: I think we’re just out of waldorfs. ibid.
Is your husband all right? ibid. guest to Sybil
This will explain. A letter. A letter from the Chef. ibid. Basil to guests
Guest: What I’m suggesting is that this place is the crummiest, shoddiest worst run hotel in the whole of western Europe.
Major: No. No I won’t have that. There’s a place in Eastbourne. ibid.
Basil: The kind of ASS I have to put up with from you people. You ponce in here expecting to be hand-waited on hand and foot. Well I’m trying to run a hotel here ... Well let me tell you something – this is exactly how Nazi Germany started. ibid.
Either they go or I go. ibid. Basil to Sybil
Basil: Hello, dear, I’m back. A room please. Number twelve is free I think. Now I’d like breakfast in bed at half past ten in the morning please – that’s eggs, bacon, sausage and tomato with a Waldorf salad, all washed down with lashings of hot screwdriver. ibid.
Well you go along and have a really good night’s sleep then. I’m hoping to get a couple of hours later on myself. I’ll be up in good time to serve you your breakfast in bed. If you could remember to sleep with your mouth open, you won’t even have to wake up; I’ll just drop in small pieces of lightly buttered kipper when you’re breathing in the right direction, if that doesn’t put you out. FATTY OWLS. Fawlty Towers s2e4: The Kipper and the Corpse, Basil to guest
My God, a woman’s work is never delegated, is it? ibid. Basil to Sybil
He’s stone cold. Oh joy. Oh thank you, God. Isn’t it wonderful? ibid.
Basil: What are you looking at me like that for?
Sybil: Basil, there’s a kipper sticking out of your jumper. ibid.
Oh spiffing. Absolutely spiffing. Well done. Two dead, twenty-five to go. ibid. Basil to Polly, with Manuel
Mr Fawlty, I no longer want to work here any more. ibid. Manuel
Basil! Basil! Basil! … ibid. Sybil
Our fifteenth wedding anniversary today – guess who’s forgotten? FLOWERY TWATS. Fawlty Towers s2e5: The Anniversary, Sybil to Polly
I’ll just pop upstairs and ask her to stop dying, and then you can all come up and identify her. ibid. Basil to guests
Cooped up in this hotel all day long; you never take me out. The only bit of life I get is when I get away with some of my friends. They all think you’re peculiar. FARTY TOWELS. Fawlty Towers s2e6: Basil the Rat, Sybil to Basil
Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines; dirty and greasy filters, dirty and encrusted deep-fat fryer; dirty, cracked and stained food preparation surfaces; dirty cracked and missing wall and floor tiles; dirty marked and stained utensils; dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator … ibid. food Inspector to Basil & Sybil & Polly
It’s my hamster. ibid. Manuel to Basil
Strike strike strike, why do we bother, Fawlty? ibid. Major to Basil
Oh I see he’s a homing rat, is he? ibid. Basil to Polly, Terry & Manuel
He put Basil in the ratatouille? ibid. Manuel to Polly, with Sybil & Health Inspector
Table Seven – Basil! ibid. Manuel to Basil
Would you care for a rat? Just the biscuits then please, Polly. ibid. Basil
I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you’re in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley. Gilbert Gottfried
The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life. George Bernard Shaw
I need something truly beautiful to look at in hotel rooms. Vivien Leigh
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. Henny Youngman
Mumbai, the biggest city in India. Endlessly rich in culture and contradictions. It’s home to one of the oldest and grandest hotels in the world – the Taj Mahal Palace. It has over five hundred rooms and fifteen hundred staff. Hotel India I, BBC 2015
£9,000 a night. ibid.
Every small detail has been kept in mind to give people a feeling of luxury and exclusivity. Hotel India II, deputy manager
A big wedding event from eight hundred to a thousand people ... Hotel India III, food and beverage manager
An army of staff striving for flawless service. It’s where the super-rich of today come to live like Maharajahs of India’s past. Hotel India IV
There are three members of staff to every guest. ibid.
Two guests walked into the lobby dressed as backpackers. There were 2,000 people inside the hotel ... ‘He was spraying the weapon in all directions.’ ... The siege lasted three days. ibid.
I don’t want to seem negative but I can’t see anything here but delinquents and cops. Maysles Brothers & Zwerin, Salesman, Paul Brennan, 1968
It’s not the bum territory, it’s the bum in the territory. ibid. salesmen in hotel room