Are you married? I’m a bachelor meself ha ha. Is your wife a goer? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Know what I mean? Say no more. Say no more. Know what I mean. Nudge nudge ... A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat. Monty Python’s And Now For Something Completely Different 1971 starring Graham Chapman & John Cleese & Terry Gilliam & Eric Idle & Terry Jones & Michael Palin & Carol Cleveland & Connie Booth et al, director Ian MacNaughton, man to man in pub
Man’s best possession is a sympathetic wife. Euripides, Antigone
I went to the doctor’s last week. I said, Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife? He said, Why? I said, She woke up. Les Dawson
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. Winston Churchill
I would be married, but I’d have no wife,
I would be married to a single life. Charles Bukowski
A woman should say: ‘Have I made him happy? Is he satisfied? Does he love me more than he loved me before? Is he likely to go to bed with another woman?’ If he does, then it’s the wife’s fault because she is not trying to make him happy. Barbara Cartland
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. H L Mencken
First she would try to kill him, but failing this give him food and her body, breast-feed him back to a state of childishness and even, perhaps, feel affection for him. Then, the moment he was asleep, cut his throat. The synopsis of the ideal marriage. J G Ballard, High-Rise
Use great prudence and circumspection, in choosing thy wife, for from thence will spring all thy future good or evil; and it is an action of life like unto a stratagem of war, wherein a man can err but once. William Cecil, Certain Precepts or Directions for the Well-Ordering and Carriage of a Man's Life c. 1584, first published 1617
It’s my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained. Charles Dickens, Bleak House xxvii
One wife is too much for most husbands to bear,
But two at a time there’s no mortal can bear. John Gay, Beggar's Opera II ii
Awake,
My fairest, my espous’d, my latest found,
Heaven’s last best gift, my ever new delight! John Milton, Paradise Lost V:17
To the nuptial bower
I led her, blushing like the morn; all Heaven,
And happy constellations on that hour
Shed their selectest influence; the earth
Gave sign of gratulation, and each hill
Joyous the birds; fresh gales and gentle airs
Whisper’d it to the woods, and from their wings
Flung rose, flung odours from the spicy shrub. ibid. VIII:510
For nothing lovelier can be found
In woman, than to study household good,
And good works in her husband to promote. ibid. IX:232
For what thou art is mine:
Our state cannot be sever’d; we are one,
One flesh; to lose thee were to lose myself. ibid. IX:957
And to thy husband’s will
Thine shall submit; he over thee shall rule. ibid. X:195
With thee goes
Thy husband, him to follow thou art bound;
Where he abides, think there thy native soil. ibid. XI:290
How happy a thing were a wedding,
And a bedding,
If a man might purchase a wife
For a twelvemonth and a day;
But to live with her all a man’s life,
For ever and for aye,
Till she grow as grey as a cat,
Good faith, Mr Parson, I thank you for that! Thomas Flatman, 1637-1688, On Marriage
‘Happy Ulysses, son of Laertes,’ replied the ghost of Agamemnon, ‘you are indeed blessed in the possession of a wife endowed with such rare excellence of understanding, and so faithful to her wedded lord as Penelope the daughter of Icarius. The fame, therefore, of her virtue shall never die, and the immortals shall compose a song that shall be welcome to all mankind in honour of the constancy of Penelope. How far otherwise was the wickedness of the daughter of Tyndareus who killed her lawful husband; her song shall be hateful among men, for she has brought disgrace on all womankind even on the good ones.’ Homer, The Odyssey XXIV
Sooner or later your wife becomes your pal. And it becomes inappropriate to shag your pal. Rab C Nesbitt s5e2: Fuel, BBC 1996
Britain’s prisons are bursting at the seams. And with 80,000 men locked up, there have never been more women serving their own sentences on the other side of the bars. With kids to feed and bills to pay, they’ve got to maintain relationships, work out what to tell the kids, and support their men on the inside too. So who would be a prisoner’s wife? Prisoners’ Wives: Visiting Hour, Channel 5 2019
Thousands of women visit their men inside every day. ibid.
‘For the third time. I kind of got used to it by then. Why are we still together? What a question. I dunno. I just think obviously your family’s your family’ innit, you’ve got to like stick by each other through thick and thin. He’s the kid’s dad, and when he is around, he’s good. He’s not around as much as he should be.’ ibid.
If life is tough for the prisoners’ wives, what’s it like for the kids? ibid.
I should like to begin by thanking my loving wife Sarah … The New Statesman s1e1: Happiness is a Warm Gun, B’stard accepts nomination, ITV 1987
The only difference between my wife and the Eiffel Tower is it costs thirty-five francs to get up the Eiffel Tower. The New Statesman s4e1: Back from the Mort
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24
And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;
Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;
And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.
And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.
If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated. Deuteronomy 21:11-15
When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken. Deuteronomy 24:5
If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband’s brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband’s brother unto her. Deuteronomy 25:5
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? Proverbs 5:18-20
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Proverbs 18:22
Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.
How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! How much better is thy love than wine! And the smell of thine ointments than all spices! Song of Solomon 4:9&10
I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.
I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night. Song of Solomon 5:1&2
Therefore I will give their wives unto others. Jeremiah 8:10
And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come. Luke 14:20
Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. Luke 16:18